Autophobia: what is the fear of being alone?

A characteristic of our hyper-connected age, autophobia etymologically means "fear of oneself" in Greek, with its two roots auto (self) and phobia (fear). In practice, this phobia means a morbid fear of being alone. It is both a fear of the self and of loneliness, and is experienced by sufferers as a fear of dying, having a panic attack, or feeling suicidal.

What is autophobia?

Being alone from time to time is necessary and sometimes desired in our daily lives. Many people do not like to be alone, but for a small number of people, the discomfort of being alone is pathological and manifests itself in serious physical and mental disorders. Doing everything to avoid loneliness, they sometimes go so far as to surround themselves with people or activities they do not like to avoid facing themselves. Suffering from low self-esteem, these people are said to have a depressive attitude and a tendency to build a "dream" life to cope with the expectations of others.

This anxiety disorder affects both men and women and is rooted in a potential abandonment wound.

How do autophobes feel?

The person with this disorder has an intense and irrational fear of being alone, either now or in the near future. Their primary objective is to avoid being alone at all costs, which means surrounding themselves at all costs, all the time. If, at certain moments, the autophobic person does not succeed in doing this, he or she feels an immense uneasiness, with anguish, anxiety and unreasonable fear. Dysfunctional thoughts appear, such as the belief that danger is imminent, that no one will come to their aid if they need it, that they could die, by an external accident, but also by the fear of having suicidal desires.

At the physiological level, several symptoms may appear:

• Palpitations;
• Dizziness;
• Malaise;
• Tachycardia;
• Sweating, etc.

How autophobes act

At the behavioural level, these people tend to seek approval from others, and are afraid of being rejected and ignored. They have a morose, sometimes depressive attitude. Shunning loneliness as much as possible, they are often anxious and unnatural with others, since they are always dependent on their presence.

These people usually build a dream life for themselves, to conform to the expectations of society and those around them. Today's social networks therefore encourage the appearance of such imaginary and perfect life scenarios, by constructing a perfect "false self" that conforms to the expectations of those around them.

Daily life is greatly impacted, both socially, personally and emotionally, as well as professionally. Such a person is described as autophobic when these symptoms persist over time, at least for a few months.

Origins of autophobia

The roots of autophobia are often hidden in a major abandonment wound, most often in childhood:

• an oversight at the crèche, in the supermarket, in a public place ;
• or a lack of listening;
• a lack of consideration for the child's feelings, leading him or her to believe wrongly that he or she is uninteresting, unlovable or even bad.

Autophobic people often perceive their environment as insecure and lacking in understanding and empathy. Finding oneself with oneself is then a source of suffering, since one finds oneself considered as unappreciated, unloved and unvalued.

Our era also favours the appearance of such anxiety disorders, by allowing people with "perfect" profiles to appear on social networks, physically or socially, and where the competition and the race for "likes" is tough and directly measures social or personal success. Having a smartphone with you at all times, allowing you to be in constant contact with other people, suggests that few people today can really bear to be alone and connected to themselves.

What treatments are available?

Fortunately, there are treatments available to help people with autophobia. There are personal development programmes, which allow one to work on self-esteem, self-affirmation or even narcissistic construction, which are extremely undermined in this pathology.

Of course, one can also call upon psychoanalysis, in individual therapy, which will complete the introspective research on the roots of this malaise, by exploring the causes in childhood, in the link to the parents, the first "others" perceived by the child.

It is also necessary, with the help of a therapist or a coach, or through activities such as meditation or yoga, to relearn how to listen to oneself, to connect with oneself, to look at oneself in a mirror and to learn to know oneself.

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Self-discipline linked to asceticism: Its benefits

Asceticism is a discipline of life that consists of exercising one's will against natural tendencies of the body or the mind. Self-discipline is said to make one happier. But why? And how can we achieve more self-discipline?

What is asceticism?

Asceticism comes from the Greek word askésis, which was originally part of the sports vocabulary and refers to the demanding lifestyle adopted by athletes: diet, sleep, exercise, etc.

Asceticism implies renunciation and deprivation. It is a discipline of life. It is about imposing discipline on oneself (self-discipline) and thus exercising one's will against natural tendencies of the body or the mind. Meditation and fasting are thus ascetic practices.

This exercise of the will and discipline of life remains mostly in measure and balance. There are more extreme ascetic practices with mortifications and penances.

Self-discipline linked to asceticism: Its benefits

Self-discipline is the ability to resist impulses to achieve one's goals.

Many American psychologists and coaches have written that self-discipline makes you happy.

Self-discipline and self-care can lead to more positive emotions and general satisfaction with life.

Self-discipline allows you to give up habits that make you unhappy (eating too much sugar, staying up too late...).

Moreover, being able to delay the satisfaction of some of one's needs simply in order to achieve certain goals leads to a real feeling of self-control and this makes one happy!

How to develop more self-discipline?

Willpower works like a muscle. Self-discipline can therefore be developed like a muscle. With practice, it becomes easier to resist impulses.

Developing new habits (food, activity, method) to achieve your goals is the essence of self-discipline. It takes a little over two months to automate a new behaviour. Once it's almost automatic, you don't need to do anything else.

To motivate yourself, think of the benefits of your new lives, not the constraints!

Meditation for more self-discipline

Meditation increases willpower. This has been proven by science. A study conducted by an Italian neuroscientist has shown, for example, that people who meditated regularly for 8 weeks had strengthened the part of their brain responsible for self-control.

So to resist impulses more easily, meditate!

For example, you can practice a simple meditation exercise called mindfulness breathing.

Sit comfortably with your hands on your thighs, eyes open or closed.

Concentrate only on your breathing. Be aware of the movement of your chest and belly as you breathe, and the air that comes in and out of your nostrils. When your thoughts drift away, gently return to your breathing.

Start with a 1 minute exercise to begin with, then gradually increase to a 2 or 3 minute exercise.

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What is an asocial or antisocial person?

An asocial or antisocial personality is a personality disorder. Its symptoms can be more or less severe. It is difficult for someone close to the person to do anything about it because the antisocial person is not aware that he or she has a problem and manipulates others.

What is an asocial or antisocial person?

The asocial or antisocial personality (also known as dyssocial personality or sociopath) is a personality disorder characterised by an indifference to or rejection of social norms and cultural codes and a chronic transgression of the rights and personhood of others.

There is an older term still in common use for the sociopath with a serious pathology or thought disorder: psychopathic personality.

The main criterion for an antisocial personality is the person's limited ability to feel human emotions, whether it is their own emotions or those of others. Researcher Hare explains that what they lack "are all the qualities in a human being to live in social harmony".

The main characteristics of the asocial or antisocial personality are the following

the person is unable to experience emotions and to guess those of others:

• rejects social norms
• has a tendency to cheat and lie
• acts impulsively and is unable to plan her actions
• is irritable and aggressive
• unable to maintain a stable job and a stable relationship
• is not remorseful for the abuse of another person
• disregard for their own safety and the safety of others

The main psychiatric complications of this disorder are drug abuse.

The causes of antisocial personality are unknown but genetic, biological and environmental factors are suspected. Childhood abuse is thought to be involved.

It is interesting to know that antisocial manifestations are present from childhood. They are manifested by severe anger, aggression towards other children and animals, and early opposition to parents.

This personality disorder is relatively common in men it affects 3% of men compared to 1% of women.

Asocial: how to get out of it?

An asocial or antisocial personality requires a long therapy combining psychotherapy, cognitive-behavioural therapies, antidepressants and psychotropic drugs.

It is a difficult disorder to treat and treatments are aimed at reducing aggression and impulsiveness, mainly to prevent legal problems.

How to help an antisocial relative?

People who are antisocial rarely seek help on their own because they think they are fine. It is often the justice system that forces them to see a therapist.

Asocial personality is diagnosed like other personality disorders using the criteria of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders 5th edition (DSM5), published by the American Psychiatric Association.

It is difficult to help an antisocial loved one because antisocial personalities are manipulative and unaware that they have a personality disorder.

R.I. Simon describes sociopaths or antisocials as "predators". Other researchers explain that psychopaths "use charm, manipulation, intimidation and violence" to control others and get what they want. Hare explains that with the lack of conscience and empathy, they will go after what they want, breaking social norms without guilt or remorse.

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Anthropophobia: all about the fear of people

Anthropophobia, also known as relationship phobia, is a pathological fear of people and their company. This fear manifests itself in a desire to avoid society, a morbid fear of people and their presence.

Considered a pathological form of shyness, the word anthropophobia comes from the Greek "anthropo" meaning man, and "phobia" meaning fear.

How to recognize an anthropophobe?

Anthropophobia is therefore an obsessive fear of others, felt in a totally irrational way (like all phobias). Individuals with anthropophobia feel a great deal of anxiety and psychological anguish when someone approaches them or when their personal and intimate space is violated. These people therefore isolate themselves much more than normal people.

When a person tries to make contact with an anthropophobe, the latter feels great physical discomfort, which may involve certain compulsions to keep the disturbing person away.

Anthropophobia is a pathological form of shyness, particularly affecting adolescents, but it is often transient. It is characterised by :

• severe blushing ;
• Increased anxiety in the company of others;
• dizziness;
• or difficulties in expressing themselves.

This phobia can quickly become insurmountable for adolescents who withdraw into themselves in the face of this unexplained fear. For them, this phobia can evolve into a school phobia and thus an inability to follow their courses at school and to relate to other students.

What are the causes of anthropophobia?

Anthropophobia can be explained by trauma from a past event or by genetic factors. Trauma often occurs in childhood or through subsequent humiliation in a group.

Emotional disorders in the past, stressful situations in a group, etc., can be the cause of this fear of people, but these causes are often well hidden and buried, leaving only the iceberg of the obsessive fear of others visible.

What are the consequences for everyday life?

What an anthropophobe shows to those around him or her is first of all an exacerbated shyness of an autistic form. The individual prefers the relative pain of isolation to the unbearable pain of facing the group and other people. Withdrawal into oneself is then inevitable. Moreover, the anthropophobe is caught in a vicious circle: the more he isolates himself, the more he is stigmatised by others, who characterise him as asocial, the more he feels rejected by the group and is pushed into isolation.

As for the physical symptoms, they are numerous and still lead him to hide them and isolate himself:

• blushing ;
• constant anxiety;
• dizziness ;
• and sometimes eye problems;
• or even anxiety attacks and spasmophilia.

What are the treatments for anthropophobia?

The same methods can be used as for many phobias:

1. cognitive-behavioural approaches, in particular Ericksonian hypnosis and NLP (neuro-linguistic programming);
2. if the individual knows the origin of his or her phobia (known trauma), EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) can be used to treat it;
3. psychoanalysis can be a saving grace for the individual who is totally unaware of the origins of his phobia.

Neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) is concerned with the way humans function in a given environment, according to their behavioural patterns. Using certain methods and tools, NLP will help the individual to change their perception of the world around them. This will change their initial behaviours and conditioning, operating in the structure of their worldview. In the case of a phobia, this method is particularly suitable.

As for EMDR, meaning desensitisation and reprocessing through eye movements, it uses sensory stimulation through eye movements, but also through auditory or tactile stimuli. This method allows the stimulation of a complex neuropsychological mechanism present in each of us. This stimulation allows us to reprocess moments experienced as traumatic and not digested by our brain, which can be at the origin of very disabling symptoms, such as phobias.

Antropophobia is not misanthropy

These two words are often associated or confused. But they mean two very different things. Misanthropy is a moral and philosophical position, with a hatred of humanity, in a totally rational and conscious way. Physical symptoms are almost absent, except for the isolation that may result.

There is no phobia in misanthropy, unlike anthropophobia, in which the fear of others is irrational, experienced as an unexplained anxiety.

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Aquaphobia: Why am I afraid of water?

Aquaphobia comes from the Latin "aqua" meaning "water" and the Greek "phobia" meaning "fear". It is a common phobia. It is characterised by a panic and unreasonable fear of water. This anxiety disorder, sometimes referred to as hydrophobia, can be disabling in everyday life, and in particular can interfere with the sufferer's leisure activities. A person suffering from aquaphobia will often not be able to get into the water, even if they have feet, and being near water will be an ordeal.

What is aquaphobia?

Water phobia is an uncontrolled fear and aversion to water. The anxiety disorder manifests itself in large bodies of water such as an ocean or a lake, but also in watery places that are under human control such as swimming pools. In some severe cases, the aquaphobic person is also unable to get into a bathtub.

Aquaphobia manifests itself to different degrees in different patients. But it should not be confused with a simple feeling of insecurity because one cannot swim or does not feel comfortable when one is not on foot, for example. In fact, in this type of case, it is a legitimate apprehension and not an aquaphobia.

Causes of aquaphobia: why am I afraid of water?

The reasons that can most often explain the panic fear of water in adulthood, are most often related to a psychological trauma dating back to childhood:

• An accidental fall into the water ;
• a drowning in the child's environment
• a memorable story overheard during a meal;
• or a parent with aquaphobia.

Often the trauma occurs when the child does not yet know how to swim, which further increases the feeling of insecurity and loss of control. Being pushed into a swimming pool at a young age or holding one's head under water for a long time as a child's "game" can sometimes leave traces in adulthood.

The symptoms of aquaphobia

Disproportionately high levels of anxiety in the vicinity of water indicate that a person is suffering from aquaphobia:

• The idea of being confronted with swimming or going out to sea on a boat puts you in a state of high anxiety;
• When you are near water, your heart rate increases;
• You have tremors;
• Sweating;
• Buzzing;
• Dizziness;
• You are afraid of dying

For some aquaphobics, the simple fact of being splashed or hearing the splash of water can trigger a state of acute stress, leading the person to decline all water-related activities.

Swimming pool courses to overcome aquaphobia

Lifeguards offer courses for adults adapted to the different degrees of aquaphobia in order to overcome the fear of water. These small group sessions are also open to people who simply want to become more comfortable in the pool.

Each participant, accompanied by a professional, will be able to tame the aquatic environment at his or her own pace thanks to breathing, immersion and floating techniques. Over the course of the lessons, some aquaphobes will be able to put their head under water and overcome their fear of depth.

Contact your local swimming pool or town hall to find out if there are any swimming lessons or aquaphobia courses near you.

What treatments are available for aquaphobia?

Cognitive behavioural therapy can also be effective in gradually improving tolerance to stressful situations and reducing the level of anxiety linked to fears.

Psychotherapy can also be useful in understanding the origin of the phobia and thus succeed in overcoming it.

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Chinese New Year - 1 February

Chinese New Year. The event, also known as the Lunar New Year, heralds the beginning of the Year of the Water Tiger. 

Chinese New Year 2022 will occur on Tuesday 1 February 2022. Often referred to as the "Lunar New Year", this celebration is actually honoured in several Asian countries, and for several days. It is also known as Spring Festival or Tet Festival in Vietnam. This new lunar cycle, comes after the winter solstice.

Is this a good sign for the year 2022? Calmness, balance and distance in judgements will be the main qualities to cultivate throughout the Chinese New Year 2022. Synonymous with unexpected changes and surprising developments, but also with tension and rebellion, the Tiger could mean that you will have to give your best to significantly improve your standard of living. The Water Yang element honours maturity and deep emotions as it is a symbolic element of temperance. Consequently, human relationships will gain in depth, objectivity and transparency. The year will end on January 21, 2023, to be followed by the Water Hare on January 22, 2023.

When does Chinese New Year fall in 2022?

The date of the Chinese New Year changes every year because it is based on the lunisolar calendar. This corresponds to the first new moon of the year. The date is determined in the Chinese city of Nanjing, at the Purple Mountain Observatory. In 2022, the date of the Chinese New Year is Tuesday, February 1.

What is the Chinese New Year sign in 2022?

Each new lunar year has its own Chinese horoscope. Gone is the Metal Buffalo, we move on to a new animal, the Water Tiger. The Water Tiger, the third animal of the Chinese zodiac, is "courageous, impulsive and supportive". This animal associates easily with the Horse and the Dog, but very badly with the Monkey. The Tiger's equivalent European astrological sign is Aquarius.

Which animal is associated with you?

In the Chinese calendar, each year is associated with one of the twelve signs of the zodiac, represented by animals, which return in a cyclical manner every 12 years: rat, buffalo, tiger, rabbit, dragon, snake, horse, goat, monkey, rooster, dog, pig. The new year is also linked to one of the five cosmogonic elements: Wood, Fire, Earth, Metal, Water.

To find out your element in the Chinese horoscope, birth years ending in 0 or 1 are Metal, 2 or 3 are Water, 4 or 5 are Wood, 6 or 7 are Fire, 8 or 9 are Earth.

Lunar New Year: a year shorter than the solar year

Chinese New Year or Lunar New Year? As the Chinese New Year festivities get into full swing on 1 February 2022, the official date of the Lunar New Year, the question may be asked. While drumming and dragon parades are part of the folklore, the evolution of the name of the event is still unknown to the general public. However, this change in wording is not insignificant... The first explanation is the choice of date for the event, which changes every year.

The globalisation and the mixing of cultures that these celebrations have brought about can also help to understand this evolution. The Chinese New Year is no longer celebrated only in China, but also in many Asian countries where the Middle Kingdom has a major influence.

So why the change of date? The Chinese calendar is called lunisolar, which means that the months are not set according to the annual cycle of the Sun, as in the Gregorian calendar, but according to the regular cycle of the phases of the Moon. As a result, the date of the Chinese, or lunar, New Year varies from one year to the next on our calendar. In order to prevent the seasons from drifting, the lunar calendar must be regularly readjusted to the solar calendar...

To better understand this, it is important to know that the 12 lunar months have a duration of about 354 days, which gives us months of 29.5 days, i.e. 11 days less than in the solar calendar. Every three years, a 13th lunar month is added in order to make the lunar calendar correspond to the solar calendar, and thus avoid this famous unwanted drift of the seasons. The years do not all have the same number of days, but the Chinese New Year always occurs between January 21 and February 20 in the Gregorian calendar. And according to the lunar cycle, the event arrives precisely on the second new moon since the winter solstice. As with all the beginnings of the Chinese months, the Lunar New Year is the first day of a new moon.

In which countries is Chinese New Year celebrated?

Contrary to its name, Chinese New Year is not only celebrated in China on the Asian continent. It is celebrated in several Asian countries: in Vietnam, Malaysia, Singapore, Thailand, the Philippines, Indonesia, Singapore, Hong Kong and Brunei. A tradition that dates back more than 4,000 years, Chinese New Year is celebrated for a fortnight until the day before the Lantern Festival on 26 February.

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Unconditional love: what is limitless love?

Unconditional love is a way of loving the other person entirely, of accepting him or her as he or she is, without reserve and with his or her faults and qualities. This love is often cited as the love we reserve for our children, so rare does it seem to be to be able to offer such love to a person, within a couple. What is love without limits? Is it beneficial? What are the risks of imbalance?

How can we define unconditional love?

First of all, there are several types of relationships in which love can be expressed:

• parent-child relationships
• brother-sister relationships
• couple relationships

In all these relationships, two kinds of love can occur: conditional love and unconditional love.

In conditional love, you give your love in "exchange" for something, consciously or unconsciously. This may be a perceived extraordinary quality in the other, or material comfort, or affection, attention, time spent. The quality of this love is much lower than that of unconditional love, since here, love is "monetised", even by unspoken words. Much of the beauty of love, which is normally free and without expectation of return, is lost.

In unconditional love, one gives one's love without any limits or expectations of return. It is much more difficult to apply, but much richer to live and fulfilling. It is about accepting the other person as a whole, with their faults and qualities, without trying to change them. We can love someone for their intelligence, their kindness, their generosity... But loving this person unconditionally also allows us to love their unattractive stoutness, their propensity to remain slumped on the sofa, or their little daily obsessions. When you love someone unconditionally, you are much more forgiving, even of bigger problems, such as infidelity, or other moral faults.

This is generally the love that we have for our child throughout our lives, but it can exist between a man and a woman in a couple.

It is a love that is absolute, devoted, intense and can hardly be broken. It is a romantic love. Nothing is expected in return, and therein lies the beauty and purity of this love. However, there can be suffering in this lack of limits, especially if the loved one abuses this unconditional love.

What are the limits of unconditional love?

How can we love unconditionally without suffering?

Psychiatrists and psychologists seem to affirm that unconditional love towards a person who is not one's child would reflect a lack of love and self-esteem. Indeed, to forgive a person everything without limits and to want to fulfil all his or her needs without asking for anything in return shows a deep disrespect for oneself.

Love without limits is then very destructive, since there are no barriers to guaranteeing respect for one's own esteem, one's person. When we allow the other person to make moral mistakes or treat us badly, without distancing ourselves from them, we show them a devaluing image of ourselves. By letting the blatant reasons for breaking up in love pass in the usual cases, we unconsciously send this message to the other person: "Do me all the bad things you want, I'll always stay with you. This type of relationship is very unhealthy and often turns into a perverse relationship between the persecutor and the persecuted.

What balance should be given to unconditional love?

Without necessarily entering into a perverse relationship, there will always be an imbalance in a couple's relationship when one of the two people loves unconditionally, while the other does not.

This asymmetry will lead to suffering on both sides: the one who loves more intensely will suffer from not being loved at the same level; the one who receives unconditional love will suffer from being "smothered" by the other's love, from being the only source of contentment.

There is then dependence, and the beginning of the destruction of the relationship, when the unconditional lover is unable to grow and find other fulfilments outside the relationship.

To remain balanced, a couple must therefore love each other equally and respect each other's independence.

Our brains are initially designed to love unconditionally. And this is what happens at the beginning of a love relationship: it's passion, we are in the absolute, the purity of the bond, we literally "take" the other person completely, even his or her small defects. Then, a few months or years later, our "rational" brain takes over, and if we can't stand our partner's now very visible flaws, we break up.

On the other hand, long-lasting love affairs show us that, even when we see the other person's faults, we are indulgent towards them, and sometimes even have tenderness for them. However, the limits are clear: our brains make sure that the other person does not overstep the mark. A moral fault that is too serious would lead to a break-up.

Unconditional love is therefore a stage to be lived and crossed in a couple, a spark that allows the beautiful beginnings of a love. But to live a healthy and balanced love, this love must evolve, thanks to communication, empathy and respect.

How to get out of unconditional love?

Those who remain in the state of unconditional love remain in a very infantile state: they refuse to grow up, and to evolve in their way of loving. Indeed, to become dependent on the other person by offering him or her all of one's devoted and loving being, resembles the devotion of a small child to his or her parents, without whom, he or she cannot manage.

The unconditional lover must then work on himself, possibly in therapy, in order to dive into introspection on the level of his childhood, or to redefine his needs and his lacks in love. One then learns, by coming out of unconditional love, to have mature exchanges with others, to communicate, and to love without invading or smothering the other in a love without freedom or shared fulfilment.

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