St Paul's Cathedral. Information about London

The history of St Paul's Cathedral dates back to 604, when the first church dedicated to St Paul the Apostle was built on one of London's hills. This modest wooden building was replaced by a stone one at the end of the 7th century.

In 962 and 1087 the church was burnt down, but on both occasions it was rebuilt and enlarged, making it one of the largest cathedrals in Europe. In the 13th and 14th centuries the church was further enlarged.

The medieval cathedral was completely destroyed after the fateful fire of 1666, which devastated a large part of London. Once the catastrophe had passed and as part of the plan to rebuild the city, it was decided to rebuild the cathedral to the design of Christopher Wren.

The cathedral was built between 1676 and 1710 and today it retains the same structure and decoration as it did then, without losing any of its baroque design. It was one of the few buildings that withstood the bombings of World War II.

The cathedral was the scene of important historical events such as General Nelson's funeral in 1806, Winston Churchill's funeral and the wedding of Prince Charles and Lady Diana.

The most striking feature of St Paul's Cathedral is its impressive dome, the second largest after St Peter's Basilica in the Vatican. It is not only impressive for its imposing dimensions but also for the magnificent frescoes that can be seen from inside, depicting passages from the life of the apostle after whom the church is named.

The Golden Gallery of the dome, which can be reached by climbing some 530 steps, will provide visitors with unforgettable images of London.

• Location: Saint Paul's Church Yard, London EC4M 8AD. Phone: +44 20 7246 8350 - St. Paul's Churchyard, London EC4M 8AD, United Kingdom.
• Transport: Underground stopping at Central Line station. Bus numbers 4, 11, 15, 23, 25, 26 and 242.

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When should I know if my child should consult a psychologist?

Family difficulties, school problems, or growth delays, the reasons for consulting child psychologists are increasingly numerous and diverse. But what can we expect from these consultations, and when should they take place? These are some of the questions parents may ask themselves.

Why should my child consult a psychologist?

It is impossible to list here all the reasons why parents consider consulting a psychologist for their child. The general idea is rather to be attentive and to know how to spot any symptom or abnormal and worrying behaviour in a child.

The first signs of suffering in children and adolescents can be harmless (sleep disorders, irritability, etc.) but also very worrying (eating disorders, sadness, isolation, etc.). In reality, as soon as the child encounters a difficulty that he or she cannot resolve alone or with your help, you must be vigilant.

To help you understand what the reasons for consultation may be, here are the most common ones, according to age:

• For children under 3 years of age, it is most often a question of developmental delays and sleep disorders (nightmares, insomnia, etc.);
• With the start of school, some have difficulty separating from their parents or have great difficulty concentrating and/or socialising. Potty training problems may also appear;
• Then in the first and second grades, certain problems, such as learning difficulties, dyslexia or hyperactivity, become apparent. Some children also start to suffer from somatic complaints (headaches, stomach aches, eczema, etc.) to hide deeper suffering;
• From the beginning of secondary school, other worries appear: mockery and exclusion by other children, difficulties in doing homework, poor adaptation to a school for "grown-ups", problems linked to adolescence (anorexia, bulimia, drug addiction, etc.);
• Finally, the arrival at secondary school sometimes causes difficulties in choosing an orientation, opposition with the parents or worries related to sexuality.

It is difficult for parents to judge whether or not their child needs psychological help. If you have any doubts, do not hesitate to ask for advice from the people who are involved with your child on a daily basis (nursery assistants, teachers, etc.).

When should my child see a psychologist?

Most often, parents consider consulting a psychologist when one or more members of the family cannot cope with the situation. The stage of the first symptoms is long past and the suffering is well established. It is therefore quite difficult to assess, quantify and advise a specific period for starting consultations. If you have any doubts, you can talk to your child's paediatrician or general practitioner for advice and possibly specialist contacts.

And above all, follow your instincts! Your child's first psychologist is you. At the first sign of a change in behaviour, the best thing to do is to communicate with your child. Ask them questions about their life at school, their feelings and sentiments. Try to open up a dialogue to help them unburden themselves and confide in you. This is the first real step towards helping them to get better.

And if, despite all your efforts and all your attempts to communicate, the situation remains blocked and his behaviour is different from what you are used to, do not hesitate to consult a specialist.

What happens during a consultation with a psychologist for a child?

Before the first session, the role of the parents is to explain and reassure the child about the course of the appointment. Tell them that they will be meeting a person who is used to working with children and that they will have to draw, play and talk with this person. The fact that the consultation will be less dramatic will allow him to envisage it calmly and to put all the chances on his side for a rapid outcome.

The duration of the follow-up varies greatly depending on the child and the problem to be treated. For some children, the word will be released after one session, while others will take more than a year to confide in us. But one thing is certain, the younger the child, the shorter the therapy.

At the same time, the role of the parents is crucial. Even if you are not present at the appointments, the therapist will need to be able to rely on your motivation and to make sure that he/she has your agreement to interfere in your family life by questioning the child and to be able to give you some constructive advice.

For therapy to be successful, the whole family must be involved and motivated.

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Conjugopathy: when couples share disorders

It is no secret that being a couple takes a lot of work. It requires trust, patience, compromise and a whole range of life skills. But sometimes turbulence occurs. Conjugation therapy sets in.

The couple as a challenge

The people of the 20th century did not invent the concept of the conjugal couple. In history in general, we see that this notion is extremely old. The couple is a clinical entity in its own right, with its own dynamics, codes and habits. To form a couple is to create a new territory of intimacy around this entity which is beyond us, but at the same time, it is to open up our own individual territory of intimacy to the other and to the couple. This is one of the great challenges of life.

Before committing oneself and being well in a relationship with the other, one must be well with oneself, know how to be alone and not depend on the other. It will then be easier, once in a relationship, to accept the other's difference, his or her freedom of thought... Living as a couple also means learning to negotiate constantly, to experience multiple and sometimes antagonistic feelings. The individual, according to his environment, his difficulties, his age group, his limits, changes. We are in perpetual movement. So it is difficult for the other person in any relationship to find his or her way when behaviour and reactions change. But the first criterion of success for a couple is communication, saying the things we feel rather than burying them and thus avoiding the other person's imagination. It's also about listening to the other person, not taking them as a critic and accepting that sharing their feelings with you is theirs and above all, stop positioning yourself as a victim. Respect for the other is, of course, a golden rule for the success of the couple, it is the basis of healthy relationships with, always, the recognition of one's faults. But life in a couple is not a long, quiet river and there are many obstacles.

Crisis or conjugal therapy

Conjugal therapy is a psychological disorder, close to depression, which is usually severe and is the consequence of unsatisfactory marital relations and can lead to suicide. The couple has reached a point where both partners no longer recognise themselves in it. Each misinterprets the other's words and attitudes and often perceives them negatively. Conflicts, if not expressed, always degenerate into latent resentment and eventually lead to a breakdown in communication.

Whenever a painful event is not made explicit, it becomes like a third party between the partners. There is a risk that it will come back later, in another form, in a more or less violent way. Each person then experiences the slightest word from their partner, the slightest gesture, the slightest look as an aggression. Dialogue breaks down, intimacy no longer exists. The crisis phases multiply to become chronic. The couple is on the verge of separation, even divorce. Some abandon ship, but others stay on in spite of the marital suffering. The couple is in crisis and all the reasons are present to approach a therapist, a neutral and informed eye. A step that responds to the imperative desire to leave a suffering.

The couple in therapy

At the consultation, the couple, a system that is being torn apart, arrives with two individuals who have scores to settle. The logic of giving has been replaced by that of revenge. The first emergency is for the couple to get out of the vicious circle of reproach and silence. Instead of focusing on the intimate aspects of the couple, it is better to widen the gaze and observe not only the interactions between the members of the two people who are there but also their context. Macroscope rather than microscope. Why do we need to widen our view? Because if you have a significant pathology, it is rare, even rare, that conjugality is enough to produce this pathology.

It takes more than a couple relationship to cause serious depression. It is also necessary to seek out the families of origin to broaden the point of view, and even the professional affiliations. The therapist helps to re-establish communication, even if this does not solve the couple's problem, but this is a necessary prerequisite. The therapist sets up a framework that allows each person to have their own space and time. The dialogue also helps to understand, when the failure is consummated, to identify the conflict, to examine what went wrong so as not to experience the same disappointments again.

Being heard by each other, even more in what they feel than in the content of what they experience, helps the partners to reach each other. Taking a step back to understand, having the means to express dissatisfaction with the relationship and not with the other. The couple must regain its health by moving naturally from the "I" to the "we": the partners are at the service of the couple when necessary; and sometimes the couple is in the background, to support individual projects. What is their common sphere, what is their priority, what do they want to share are the questions that the therapist can help the couple to ask themselves. The will to overcome their difficulties is a determining factor in the success of the couple therapy.

The couple sculpture

Couple sculpture is a tool used when verbal communication is no longer sufficient, when words have lost their meaning. This psycho-corporal therapy is a new mode of expression, where each of the protagonists will stage the posture that symbolises their couple today and focus on their feelings. The objective is to release physical tensions in order to resolve, at the same time, psychic blockages.

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Conflicts between brothers and sisters: How to deal with them?

Siblings always get along more or less well. Managing conflicts between siblings is therefore an almost daily task for parents. There are many solutions for this. Some rely on authority, others on communication.

Take the time to understand each sibling conflict

Conflicts between brothers and sisters are all different. It is therefore necessary to take the time to understand each situation in order to manage it as well as possible. Sometimes the younger siblings annoy the older ones, sometimes the older ones taunt or ignore the younger ones. Children may fight over a toy or simply because they are too tired. In order to understand the conflict, each child needs to give their side of the story and explain why they are angry.

Sibling conflict: jealousy

Children may have difficulty finding their place. They think that parental love is something that is divided between siblings. To reassure children, it is imperative to make them understand that there is no difference between them.

Jealousy must be understood by parents. Younger children envy the freedom of their elders, and older children envy the attention that parents give to younger children. By explaining to each child that his or her age has an important impact on the parents' attitude towards him or her, it is possible to reduce tensions. It is also important to accept that children feel jealousy. It is a very natural feeling that builds up each person.

Age-appropriate conflict management

Dealing with sibling conflict is also about taking into account the age of each child. Many squabbles are age-related. More bickering occurs as a child becomes more independent. With toddlers, the first steps often generate the anger of older children who see their toys and belongings disappear!

Around the age of 6, children leave the kindergarten for the big school. They were the biggest and become the smallest. They also leave childhood and play for learning. This is a difficult period and it is sometimes felt at home. Children abandon their younger siblings, who are considered too young, in favour of their elders. The balance of the siblings becomes fragile.

Entering adolescence is also a difficult stage that can affect understanding between brothers and sisters. It is essential for parents to be patient and to support their children as they enter their adult life.

Staying out of sibling conflicts

Conflicts and bickering can be unpleasant, but they should not be avoided automatically. On the contrary! They help children to find their place, to develop and show their personality, and to gain respect. Most bickering only lasts a short time.

It is imperative to intervene when children get into fights, insult each other, damage their belongings or when the conflict lasts too long. Before punishing, it is important to identify the cause of the conflict and the responsibility of each child. This way the reprimand will be measured!

Conflicts between brothers and sisters: knowing how to punish

The punishment chosen is very important. It is essential to adapt it to the age of the child and the extent of the misbehaviour. Most of the time, you should give the same punishment and remain flexible. For example, you can isolate each child for a few minutes or ask them to tidy up their room or the playroom. Each child should apologise if they have hurt their sibling, but also if they have broken a toy. The apology can be verbal or in the form of a drawing.

Vigilance is required with regard to punishment. When it is impossible to know the truth about a conflict, the punishment should be limited or a simple warning given. Undue punishment can be very negative as it increases tensions between siblings.

Directing activities and praising moments of agreement

To limit conflicts, activities should be directed and those that everyone enjoys should be given priority. In this way, there are more moments of agreement. These moments should be highlighted, congratulated and why not rewarded. Spending time together promotes good understanding between brothers and sisters and also limits conflicts.

Being fair to siblings in case of conflict is essential to ensure good understanding within the sibling group and the family. It is important to let children interact with each other, but also to punish them so that everyone understands their responsibilities.

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What does it mean if someone is complacent?

It is not always easy to know how to react when faced with someone who is complacent, that is, in another sense of the word, someone who acquiesces to our tastes and feelings in order to please us.

Does being complacent make friends?

The Latin author Terence wrote in The Andrian, in Carthage, around 185-159 BC: "Obsequim amicos, veritas adium parit", i.e.: "Complacency makes friends, frankness breeds hatred". And yet: something that is done out of complacency, in reality, is conducted or manifested only out of politeness, but is neither true, nor profound, nor felt. Complacency is then defined as the disposition of one who seeks to please by adapting to someone's tastes or desires.

Can we, therefore, consider that friendship could come from such an expression of falseness, such a façade attitude? This seems, in fact, far removed from a real friendship, which is meant to be sincere, which requires being oneself in depth with the other. It also requires expressing oneself as one is, knowing how to listen to the other person without lying to him or her, or giving an inaccurate or falsified reflection of oneself. And so, this friendship as described by Terence would only be fake, and, in reality, a real friendship must allow anyone to tell his friend, without false pretenses or false admiration, his mistakes and flaws: which is, for a close friend, for an intimate, the only possibility to truly move forward.

Don't give in to easy compliments

But in everyday life, we are rarely the victims of complacency that goes so far as to cover up a crime... We are more likely to be the victims of petty everyday compliments that lack depth and reality. A word of advice here: don't give in to the ease of unrestrained, uncritical compliments.

Even more harmful, perhaps, is the complacency of a father or mother towards their children, which induces in this parent an indulgence that is often blameworthy, and even dangerous for the good development of the child. Here, we recall the role of the superego in all its complexity, which, playing the role of an integration of parental authority, will be contrary to any form of complacency, understood here as an excess of indulgence. The parent must be made to face up to his or her responsibility, because it is indeed a question of teaching children limits. Setting limits means, above all, saying no to them, setting the framework.

Keeping your authenticity

Finally, in the face of an act of complacency that is merely an excessive display of politeness, but is in no way true, nor profound, and even less the expression of a real feeling, we suggest this act of intimate resistance: keeping one's authenticity, not letting oneself be fooled by appearances, nor by false compliments. Perhaps we can also bring the complacent person to realise this lack of fairness towards others, this falseness in his attitude and words? And, then, allow them to reopen the question of the quality of their relationship with others.

We could perhaps also use the somewhat familiar expression: "You must not let yourself be eaten", which was regularly used by the priest Jean Castelein, a veteran of the Second World War. Jean Castelein, who later became a demanding and committed chaplain, called for constant vigilance and suggested that we engage in a profound and daily resistance, leading each of us to move towards our true authenticity. In short, he called on us not to be taken in by the sirens of appearance. To remain authentic. True to oneself and to one's values.

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Compassion: A response to the suffering of others

Compassion is an emotion that helps us to better understand and live with others. However, we must be careful of the pitfalls of compassion.

What is compassion?

Compassion comes from the Latin cum patior, which means "to suffer with".

Compassion is caring about someone who is suffering, without trying to feel what they are feeling themselves, which is what empathy is. Compassion is the emotion we can hold in front of the misery of others. It implies a feeling of benevolence with a willingness to help the person who is suffering.

To be able to be compassionate, we need to be empathetic. We imagine what the sufferer is going through, and that is why we are touched by that suffering.

It is possible to train for compassion, to cultivate it. Neuroscience research has shown that the plasticity of the brain is such that after a certain 3 months of compassion training the grey matter of the social-emotional brain has increased.

The benefits of compassion

Compassion is a moral feeling. It helps us to understand others better and to make them happier.

Compassion also has physical benefits for the person who feels it: studies have shown that people who show compassion have an increased level of endorphins, hormones of well-being and happiness. So being compassionate would make you happier! Other studies have concluded that compassion makes it possible to produce 100% more DHEA, a hormone that counteracts the effects of ageing.

The dangers of compassion

Compassion is essential to life in society but it can also be dangerous. Being too compassionate can prevent us from thinking about ourselves. Furthermore, compassion is manipulable and can be used by those who have things to sell or ideas to put across. Excessive compassion is also a pitfall of compassion. It is the prerogative of people who do not care about the other person's feelings. Rather than imagining what is right for them, they focus on what feels right for themselves.

Compassion can also make people sick. For example, people who are confronted with the suffering of others on a daily basis, such as health professionals or therapists, can suffer from compassion fatigue. Constant contact with the suffering of others leads to a kind of burn-out. Those who suffer from it show various symptoms: feelings of powerlessness, lack of energy, anger, depression, etc.

Compassion: the right balance

Too little compassion is bad. It constitutes a loss of humanity. Too much compassion can also be harmful. So we need to find the right balance.

Caring about how others feel is important. True compassion is about sharing what the other person is feeling, not necessarily about acting. It is just opening up to the feelings that we most often experience spontaneously in the face of another's distress. We are not necessarily able to respond to this suffering.

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Non-verbal communication: decoding body language

What is non-verbal communication?

Non-verbal communication includes many communicative processes such as outward appearance, spatial relationship behaviours (approaching, distancing), body movements (nodding, eyebrow raising, shoulder shrugging), facial expressions, gazes or vocal intonations.

Although little known, non-verbal phenomena are very important in human communication and are used in several fields such as oratory and dramatic arts, the sign language of certain communities (deaf people, monks)...

This type of communication reinforces and gives credibility to verbal communication when it is adapted, but can discredit it when it is not. According to the American researcher Mehrabian, 7% of communication is verbal, 38% of communication is vocal and 55% of communication is neither verbal nor vocal. It is our nature to quickly judge others by their attitude, their beauty, their intelligence, their movements. Animals give us an example of non-verbal communication: they communicate with each other through specific systems comprising signals of various kinds: sound, gestures, mimics, postures, chemicals, heat, touch, electricity, etc.

There are several disciplines interested in non-verbal communication, including biology, neuroscience, sociology and psychology.

Classification of non-verbal signs

Several classifications of non-verbal signs have been developed in the literature. Marino Bonaiuto's classification from 2007 arranges them on a scale from top to bottom, from the most obvious to the least obvious signs.

• External appearance: physical training, figure, choice of clothing.
• Spatial behaviour: interpersonal distance, body contact, orientation in space, perfume.
• Kinetic behaviour: trunk and leg movements, hand gestures, head movements.
• The face: gaze and eye contact, facial expression.
• Vocal signs: verbal vocal signs with paraverbal meaning, non-verbal vocal signs, silences. Among the latter, Trager distinguishes between voice quality (tone, resonance and articulation control) and vocalisations (crying, sighing, laughing, voice timbre, intensity, extension, vocal segregations such as "hum").

Designating and illustrating speech

Certain gestures are made to accompany the statement.

• Designating gestures. These are the pointing gestures we make when we want to show something.
• Illustrative gestures. These are the gestures that mimic the action or show certain characteristics of the object we are talking about. These gestures abound especially in descriptions of objects and in stories.

Thus, when a person present in the discussion is mentioned, he or she is almost always pointed to (by digital pointing, nodding or at least looking), when "my heart was beating very fast" is said, the hand is placed on the heart or a heartbeat is mimed, and the "my" in "if you want my opinion" will almost always be accompanied by a self-centred gesture.

All these signs can form a system complex enough to build languages with a repertoire and syntax, such as the language of the deaf.

Dialogue coordination gestures

In dialogue, certain gestures do not serve to sustain the dialogue but to coordinate it, to ensure that the statements are received, understood and interpreted. In order to mutualise the exchange, there is a device for interaction, sharing and maintenance of speech, consisting of various gestures such as head nods, gaze shifts, throat clears, preparatory breaths, hand gestures, changes of posture.

When we speak, we need to make sure that we are heard, listened to, understood and know what the other person thinks of what we say. To do this, we must catch the receiver's gaze, and look for retroactive cues in the form of voco-verbal and kinesic emissions (mimics of doubt or perplexity, nods, head movements, smiles, etc.). When these non-verbal cues are not enough, the sender can use verbal communication to clarify the interaction: "do you understand what I mean?

Communicating emotions

There are also gestures that belong to "affective communication", which itself has two aspects: emotional and emotive.

Emotional communication corresponds to the spontaneous manifestations of the interlocutors' inner states, such as trembling, paleness, sweating, crying, laughing, surprise, annoyance, etc.
Emotional communication is the result of "affective work", according to Hochschild, which "allows for the controlled staging of real or even potential or not really experienced affects". We can make the other person believe that we are sad through our attitudes when in reality we are not affected.

In everyday life, emotional communication is more important than emotional communication. In an interaction situation, speakers will therefore, according to the rules of affective framing, manage their own feelings, manage the expression of these real or displayed feelings, and try to perceive the analogous movements in progress in their partner.

Contextual elements of communication

There are certain non-verbal elements that create a contextual climate and are part of verbal communication. Some of these elements remain permanent during the encounter, such as clothing, age, gender, beauty. Others reflect an accommodation of the situation, such as the techniques for making contact and opening up the interaction with various modes of verbal address, gestural exchanges, mimics and tactile gestures: kisses, handshakes, hugs, depending on the category of partners and the reciprocal status. The gaze can also express the intimacy of the relationship, as well as the hold, dominance and reciprocity.
For example, the smaller the interpersonal distance, the less eye contact and the less direct the body orientation.

Observation of non-verbal communication

To study non-verbal communication, carefully observe people communicating. Observe how they behave towards each other, both to communicate and to 'keep their distance'. Observe rituals, strategies for occupying space, postures, choice of seats, non-verbal language without paying attention to what is being said.

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