How to organise your Valentine's Day party?

Every year, all lovers celebrate Valentine's Day together on February 14th. It is the day when you meet your partner to spend a special moment.

Organise and make a success of your Valentine's Day party

Whether or not you celebrate this special day, it is always nice to be pampered by the person you love most in the world. To make this evening exceptional, here are our tips to help you organise your romantic Valentine's Day evening!

Surprise him/her as soon as he/she arrives home

Start to do things right from the moment he/she arrives at your house. Play soft, romantic music in the background. Plant rose petals on the floor to guide her where you want her to go. You can also light a few candles to create a subdued and romantic atmosphere. There are several options, you can welcome her at the door or create a path of flowers (you can for example create arrows with rose petals).

A hot bath to relax him/her

Are you lucky enough to have a bath? If so, you'll need to prepare a nice hot bath for your partner. Run the water a few minutes before he/she arrives so that the water is at the ideal temperature. Place a number of candles and rose petals on the edge of the bath (you can also place a whole rose). For the more romantic, you can also place pink or red post-it notes on the bathroom window to form a heart and write little messages of love.

All you have to do is make a large volume of foam

Do you want to take a bath together? What could be more natural than to want to take a nice hot bath to raise the temperature? In this case, don't forget to open a bottle of champagne and add some strawberries.

The outfit

On Valentine's Day, you have to look your best. For your sweetheart, this is already the case in his or her eyes, but don't forget to dress up! Once your sweetheart is out of the bath, guide her to the bedroom to show her the outfit you have chosen for her. This will show her that you know what looks good on her. And of course, don't forget to choose sexy underwear because the evening is far from over.

The meal

The meal is a crucial moment of the evening, so to make sure that your meal as a couple goes as smoothly as possible, you will have different possibilities:

• Book a table in a restaurant: every 14 February, restaurant owners take the necessary steps to offer tables and meals specially designed for couples
• Prepare the meal from A to Z: Are you a cordon bleu? Then surprise your loved one by preparing a meal he or she will not soon forget. You can find many recipes on the internet or in cooking magazines that are specially designed for lovers
• Call in a caterer: you're not very good in the kitchen or you don't have the time to prepare the meal? Opt for a caterer (but you can also buy good food in many shops), so you can be sure of the quality and spend your time preparing the rest of the evening

On February 14th, don't forget to choose aphrodisiac dishes to make your evening last until the end of the night (avocados, almonds, dark chocolate, ginseng, ginger, saffron etc.).

Spice up the evening with games

On this very special day, you are going to spend a special moment with your loved one. Once the meal is over, continue the fun with games specially designed for couples. There are many possibilities to surprise her during your Valentine's evening! Here are a few examples of how you can spend a pleasant moment together:

• A massage with chocolate.
• A board game for adults (in which you will have to take up various challenges).
• The Forbidden Games Box: everything you need to have an unforgettable time.

Don't forget to plan your romantic evening several days in advance so that it is a success. And to make sure that this evening ends in the most beautiful way, don't forget to decorate your room.

Decorating the bedroom

Place artificial rose petals (so you can use them over and over again) on the bed, bedside table and floor. Don't be too heavy-handed, it has to be beautiful without being overloaded. On the bed, what could be more beautiful than to recreate a pretty heart with petals? Place a pretty red rose in the centre to symbolise your love.

Then light some candles (you can choose LED candles if you wish) to create a romantic atmosphere like in the most beautiful love films. One or two floating candles in a vase filled with water will look great.

Take out the various accessories for the massage on the bedside table so that you have everything at hand when the time comes. You can also bring a bottle of champagne with two flutes to loosen your inhibitions.

You can also apply a little perfume to your bed linen to achieve the ultimate in romance.

Recursos en inglés para San Valentín

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Psychopathy: What is it? Can be treated?

Psychopathy is a serious personality disorder that affects 4% of men. This disorder is difficult to treat and requires social support in addition to therapeutic support.

Psychopathy: what is it?

The term psychopathy has disappeared from the classifications of mental disorders but is still used to describe a complex personality disorder, now called antisocial personality disorder. It is not an illness but a pathological personality that is expressed throughout life.

This psychological disorder can interact with and/or accentuate other disorders such as schizophrenia or bipolar depression. There are several degrees of the disease, ranging from moderate psychopathy to criminal acts that are dangerous to others.

Psychopathy is said to affect 4% of men but only one in a hundred women. 60% of people in prison are psychopaths. There is a causal link between psychopathic personality and delinquency.

What is a psychopath?

The diagnosis of psychopathy or antisocial personality disorder is based on antisocial behaviour, not necessarily criminal behaviour. The psychopath's life is marked by precariousness and instability, professionally, socially and emotionally.

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Psychiatry (DSM) IV and 5 defines psychopathy as a pattern of disregard and transgression of the rights of others that has occurred since the age of 15 "associated with at least 3 of the following manifestations:

• inability to conform to laws and social norms
• a tendency to deceive for profit or pleasure (indicated by repeated lying, use of pseudonyms, scams)
• impulsiveness or inability to plan ahead
• irritability or aggressiveness (indicated by repeated fighting or aggression)
• reckless disregard for safety of self or others
• persistent irresponsibility (indicated by inability to hold a steady job or meet financial obligations)
• lack of remorse (indicated by being indifferent or justifying oneself after hurting, abusing or stealing from others)

Profile of the psychopath

According to many authors, this syndrome characterises people who are arrogant, highly manipulative, insensitive, seductive, dominant and fearless. In addition, psychopaths are considered to be impulsive in many areas of their lives. They have no remorse or empathy. Themes of love, horror, and good and evil mean nothing to psychopaths, except in a very superficial way. They are constantly seeking stimulation, display superficial affect, and aspire to control others and their environment. They view those around them as objects to be manipulated at will, maintaining relationships for utilitarian purposes.

Psychopathy is often associated with alcohol, drug or medication abuse. Substance abuse is the most frequently observed comorbidity.

Can psychopathy be treated?

The prognosis for psychopathy is poor. Mortality is high, due to violence and drug use.

Therapeutic treatment of psychopathy is possible. It must be linked to social care. However, the psychopath is never at the initiative of the treatment.

Classical psychoanalysis is generally unsuitable. Cognitive-behavioural and psychodynamic therapies, individually or in groups, are of interest.

Medication is used to reduce symptoms temporarily, but the results are rather disappointing: benzodiazepines, neuroleptics for their action on aggressive and impulsive behaviour, antidepressants, antiepileptics, thymoregulators, lithium.

Note: over the age of 40, the symptoms of psychopathy subside.

Do we know the causes of psychopathy?

Several hypotheses have been put forward to explain psychopathic personality disorders: hormonal imbalance, frontal neurological disorders, a defect in emotional regulation, childhood psychological trauma, etc. It would seem that none of these factors alone is sufficient to explain the psychopathic personality disorder. Psychopathy would rather be due to biological disorders linked to heredity, combined with psychological, educational and social factors.

It is known that during childhood and adolescence, non-specific conduct disorders can be observed, which are likely to evolve into psychopathy, and that it is therefore of interest that these children and adolescents receive early individual care.

You may also like to read / También te puede interesar leer

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What is narcissistic personality disorder?

Hated because they are full of themselves, egotistical, lacking in empathy and condescending; narcissistic people feel superior to others. The one most talked about, as potentially dangerous for his victims, is the narcissistic pervert. But there are other profiles of narcissistic personalities. How do you recognise a narcissistic person? What are the causes of narcissism? How do you deal with a narcissist?

What is narcissistic personality disorder?

"Narcissistic personality disorder is characterised by a constant feeling of superiority (megalomania), a need to be admired and a lack of empathy," reads the MSD Manual, the world's leading source of medical information. Narcissism comes from the Greek character Narcissus, who fell in love with his own image reflected in the water. Narcissists are, by extension, people who love and admire themselves more than they should. The concept of narcissism entered psychiatry thanks to Sigmund Freud.

The latter distinguishes between primary and secondary narcissism. Primary narcissism is a normal infantile stage during which the child learns to love himself by eroticizing his own body. Secondary narcissism is pathological. It becomes a perversion when an adult is unable to detach himself from himself in order to invest himself with others. It is important to know that a normally developing individual detaches himself from himself in order to reach out to others, while still retaining a certain amount of self-esteem.
According to the DSM-5, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, narcissistic personality disorder manifests itself by at least 5 of these symptoms (they must appear in early adulthood):

1. An overestimation of one's abilities. The narcissist believes that his or her skills and accomplishments are extraordinary. Therefore, he/she must be considered superior to others.
2. The impression of being unique. The narcissist believes that he/she is special and therefore should only communicate with special, high-ranking people.
3. A constant and excessive need to be liked and admired.
4. An obsession with power, success and beauty.
5. A lack of empathy. The narcissist sees only himself or herself and therefore cannot be interested in the needs and feelings of others.
6. Arrogance and a haughty attitude.
7. A need to manipulate others to get their way.
8. A feeling that others envy him/her.
9. A feeling of entitlement.

The different profiles of narcissistic personalities

The American psychologist Theodore Milton, one of the specialists in personality disorders, distinguished several profiles of narcissistic personalities who act differently:

• The manipulative narcissist. He has no qualms about using others to get what he wants.
• The seductive narcissist. They use their irresistible charm to manipulate others. The seduction is physical but also intellectual.
• The passive-aggressive narcissist. He considers others to be less good than he is and constantly complains about his incompetence.
• The elitist narcissist. They love power and domination and show it with a haughty attitude.
• The fanatical narcissist. They think big and always want more than they have because they believe they deserve it.

These different profiles have, however, been discussed on several occasions by specialists because the same narcissistic person can display several profiles at the same time. They would then only be variants of the same disorder. Also, certain characteristics of narcissistic disorder are found in other personality disorders. It is therefore difficult to put a single label on a personality, because of its complexity. We also note that pathological narcissists often suffer from other disorders such as depression (following one or more failures that they have not been able to cope with), anorexia nervosa, a substance abuse disorder or a personality disorder (borderline or paranoid).

Narcissistic personality disorder: what are the risk factors?

There are many possible causes of narcissistic personality disorder. The risk factors are both genetic and environmental:

• Having received a strict upbringing where one always had to excel in order to be rewarded or, conversely, having received an overly lax upbringing where compliments flowed and admiration was boundless.
• A lack of self-esteem that makes one lose the means at the slightest failure. To hide this fragility, narcissists make others believe that they are sure of themselves and good at everything. This lack of esteem is also reflected in the fact that they envy people whom they (secretly) consider to be better than themselves.
• A trauma suffered in the past (abuse, aggression, betrayal). Narcissism is then a defence mechanism to avoid being destroyed again.
• Narcissistic parents who have never taught their children empathy and modesty.

How to act when faced with a narcissist?

There are two schools of thought on this subject: those who advocate opposition and those who favour empathy.

Opposing the narcissist

Narcissistic behaviour, if repeated, is often unbearable for the people who suffer it. It becomes tempting to say "stop! This reaction can be useful to make the narcissistic person understand that his or her behaviour is selfish and that you do not like it: "I would like you to stop talking about yourself so that I can talk to you about what worries or pleases me at the moment. This conversation is an exchange", "You're just putting down other people, but are they as incompetent as you say? The idea is to put them in their place, without being mean. The idea is to put them in their place, without being mean. In a relationship, the narcissist will always want to hold the reins, make them understand that they are not alone and that if they want the relationship to last, they will have to leave you some space.

Being tolerant of the narcissist

To do this, it is useful to understand the origin of the person's narcissism (strict or too flexible upbringing, old trauma, etc.) to better understand them and tolerate their behaviour. To congratulate them on what they have achieved only when it is deserved, but without exaggerating so as not to put them on a pedestal. Since narcissists cannot stand the success of others, it is better to remain discreet about their own successes and privileges so as not to arouse their jealousy and provoke a surge of egocentricity by way of overkill. For the sake of the relationship, and if you can stand his or her behaviour, do not confront him or her, as this could weaken your relationship with this person.

You may also like to read / También te puede interesar leer

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Emotional dependence and lack of self-confidence

Emotional dependence is characterised by a lack of self-confidence or a clear withdrawal from a love partner. Where does emotional dependence come from? Can we fight against its harmful effects?

What is emotional dependence?

Emotional dependence is the fact of no longer living for oneself but for the other. By completely withdrawing from their partner, the emotional addict gradually sinks into passivity. People who suffer from this type of addiction often have little self-confidence and constantly seek their partner's approval in all their endeavours. They are panic-stricken at the thought of being abandoned and experience the relationship as a daily struggle.

Where does emotional dependency come from?

Most emotional dependents find the origin of their problem in their childhood. They are usually children who received little attention and affection and/or were given too much responsibility at an early age ("leave mum alone, you can see she's tired", "don't make any noise, your brother is sleeping", etc.). These people have therefore got into the habit of putting others before themselves and do not dare to place themselves at the centre of their own attention.

They think that they will only be loved if they are discreet and live mainly through the eyes of others. Finally, emotional addicts often express a real fear of disagreement, they find it difficult to refuse a service and avoid conflict as much as possible. However, their behaviour is often at the origin of it since, against their will, they are in permanent demand of affection and recognition. In the end, emotional addicts do not know what they need and are unable to express their desires or anxieties.

Couple et dépendance affective

Comment faire la différence entre la passion amoureuse et la dépendance affective ? Il n’est pas toujours évident de comprendre où se trouvent les limites. En couple, le dépendant affectif est en attente permanente, il n’est jamais satisfait de ce que son partenaire lui donne et ce, quels que soient les efforts de ce dernier. Le dépendant attend en effet de recevoir autant qu’il donne mais ce besoin n’est jamais assouvi. Il peut se montrer extrêmement jaloux ou demander une attention particulière à son partenaire à tout moment.

Difficile en effet de passer au second plan lorsque l’on souffre de dépendance affective car chaque absence de l’être aimé est vécue comme une souffrance extrême. Le seul fait d’imaginer que son partenaire puisse s’amuser et prendre du plaisir sans lui semble insurmontable. Dans ce genre de cas, le dépendant affectif peut se montrer désagréable voire méchant, ce qui peut dérouter son partenaire ou le faire fuir.

Is it possible to get out of emotional dependency?

Fortunately, it is quite possible to get out of emotional dependency. It should be noted, however, that most of those who suffer from it are unaware of their condition. It is often during a consultation with a psychologist that they understand their emotional handicap.

Emotional addicts generally complain about the poor quality of their social relationships, they have difficulty making friends, get along badly with their colleagues and have difficulty managing their romantic relationships. These profiles can indeed be annoying, as they seem to give of themselves with ulterior motives: they expect something in return. They think (more or less unconsciously) that they can only be appreciated if they meet the expectations of others and sometimes do "too much".

How can emotional dependency be overcome?

Emotional dependency can be overcome through personal development work and possibly psychotherapy. The main problem of the emotional addict is his or her lack of self-confidence: he or she wrongly thinks that he or she cannot be loved for what he or she is and that he or she must live through the other. The addict must succeed in integrating the fact that one must first love oneself in order to succeed in living a healthy love relationship. The fear of being alone must be overcome by a few simple exercises such as going to the cinema alone, going to a restaurant, etc. By overcoming self-imposed limits, the person suffering from emotional dependence will be able to understand that there are a number of things he or she can do without the approval of others. Sport, artistic expression or meditation are all activities that can help him/her to get to know him/herself better and thus gain confidence.

Emotional dependence is not irreversible, but to overcome it, it is absolutely necessary to recognise and accept it. An affective addict who refuses to qualify as such will not be able to live serenely, despite the good will of those close to him.

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5 ideas to celebrate Valentine's Day

February is the month to celebrate love with Valentine's Day. Here are some simple ideas to celebrate your union.

Decorate the house

You don't necessarily have to go far from home to celebrate love!

To make Valentine's Day special and to surprise your partner when he or she gets home from work, redecorate the house. Balloons, garlands, special crockery, etc. will give a special atmosphere to the house and will allow you to stand out from the ordinary.

Make a nice declaration

Proving your love with gifts is fine, but saying it in a flamboyant way is deliciously retro and romantic.

Why not write a poem or, for those with a strong artistic sense, make a painting or drawing? It takes a few days/weeks of planning, but the gift will be appreciated for the personal investment it requires.

An unusual experience for two

To celebrate love, there's nothing better than to escape from everyday life for two if time and budget allow.

Opt for unusual stays: in a yurt, in the trees, in an igloo, etc. Unusual experiences lasting a day or a few hours are also possible and are now available from around 30 euros.

Putting spices on the menu

Eating pasta on Valentine's Day is not the most glamorous thing in the world, but eating tagliatelle deliciously flavoured with spices and accompanied by sautéed prawns makes perfect sense.

Cooking spices that you are not used to will be a surprise, and even more so if you decide to cook spices that are known for their aphrodisiac powers, such as pepper, cayenne pepper, etc.

Going away as a couple

If you have the opportunity, organise a trip to a totally different region or country, such as the Nordic countries, where you can warm up together...

Without having to travel many kilometres, you can also find a complete change of scenery in themed holidays (SPA, trekking), even if it is a place close to home, the aim is to share a moment and activities together.

Recursos en inglés para San Valentín

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At a Window - Carl Sandburg - Valentine's Day

Recursos Educativos en Inglés - Poems in English - Poesías en inglés San Valentín

At a Window

Give me hunger,
O you gods that sit and give
The world its orders.
Give me hunger, pain and want,
Shut me out with shame and failure
From your doors of gold and fame,
Give me your shabbiest, weariest hunger!

But leave me a little love,
A voice to speak to me in the day end,
A hand to touch me in the dark room
Breaking the long loneliness.
In the dusk of day-shapes
Blurring the sunset,
One little wandering, western star
Thrust out from the changing shores of shadow.
Let me go to the window,
Watch there the day-shapes of dusk
And wait and know the coming
Of a little love.

By Carl Sandburg

Carl August Sandburg was an American poet, historian and novelist. He was born in Illinois, the son of parents of Swedish descent. He died at his home in North Carolina.

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The Passionate Shepherd to His Love - Valentine's Day

Recursos Educativos en Inglés - Poems in English - Poesías en inglés San Valentín

The Passionate Shepherd to His Love

Come live with me and be my love,
And we will all the pleasures prove,
That Valleys, groves, hills, and fields,
Woods, or steepy mountain yields.

And we will sit upon the Rocks,
Seeing the Shepherds feed their flocks,
By shallow Rivers to whose falls
Melodious birds sing Madrigals.

And I will make thee beds of Roses
And a thousand fragrant posies,
A cap of flowers, and a kirtle
Embroidered all with leaves of Myrtle;

A gown made of the finest wool
Which from our pretty Lambs we pull;
Fair lined slippers for the cold,
With buckles of the purest gold;

A belt of straw and Ivy buds,
With Coral clasps and Amber studs:
And if these pleasures may thee move,
Come live with me, and be my love.

The Shepherds’ Swains shall dance and sing
For thy delight each May-morning:
If these delights thy mind may move,
Then live with me, and be my love.

By Christopher Marlowe

Christopher Marlowe was an English playwright, poet and translator of the Elizabethan period. He popularised blank verse by incorporating it into his theatre. He is regarded as Shakespeare's great predecessor; indeed, there is debate about his authorship of several of the Bard's plays.

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