How to help your children be happy?

We dream of educating our children in the best possible way, to make them balanced and independent and to give them all the keys to blossom in their future life. To help them grow up and become happy adults themselves, it is up to you, the parents, to educate them as much as to love them.

Setting limits for your child to help him or her develop

Although children need to be reassured and encouraged, they also need to be confronted with many limits. Accepting frustration is an essential step for them. With the use of "no" from an early age, the child learns the reality of life and integrates the basics of social rhythms, sharing, relationships with other children but also with adults and becomes aware of his place within the family.

Parents must therefore become guarantors of reality, and keep their place as adults and not as accomplices with the child. While taking into account the child's character, it is their duty to push him or her in a direction that corresponds to him or her, while instilling in him or her the values that are indispensable for life in the community.

The importance of family life for the happiness of children

It is also essential not to sacrifice the couple by giving too much space to the child. For the child to be happy, the parental model must also be happy. It is therefore important for the couple to give themselves time together and not let the children impose their rhythm at home. The family pattern: adults versus children must be clear and respected.

But it does not stop there. In order for them to blossom and therefore to be happy, children need to share moments of joy with their loved ones. Through outings, games or moments of complicity with his parents, he creates anchors to which he can unconsciously cling later. The same applies to meals. By taking part in the family dinner, the child creates reference points and offers himself moments of privileged dialogue necessary for his emotional balance.

Learning to understand your child's emotions to make them happy

Feelings and sentiments are emotional storms for adults and even more so for children. But unlike their parents, children do not know how to step back from their own emotions. It is therefore your role to help them understand and control their emotions. By taking the time to communicate and reassure them, you can help them tame their emotions and get to know themselves better. With simple questions such as "Are you sad or angry?", "Do you know why, or what triggered your reaction?

From now on, they understand and recognise their emotions and adapt to their environment. In a word, he opens up to the world around him. Impulses are better controlled, frustration is tolerated and the child feels better.

Acting calmly, and reassuring your child to help them be happy

With huge upheavals in their bodies and minds, children, especially very young ones, are particularly sensitive to the tone you use and the stress you can communicate to them. Raising your voice to defuse a difficult situation is counterproductive and will only aggravate the situation and generate useless and harmful anxiety in the child, which will remain in the child's subconscious for a long time. The best way to deal with a tantrum is to remain calm and firm in your attitude while explaining why you will not give in. Limits can be set gently and allow the child to integrate the basics that are essential to his future happiness.

If he is afraid, and even if the cause of his anxiety seems silly to you, do not scold him and take it seriously. You need to be benevolent to allow him to set up his emotional and rational neural circuitry in the best possible way.

The child, and even more so the very young child, is a real sponge for the different feelings he or she has, but also for those of his or her parents. To help them master these feelings and integrate into their new environment, they need serene and confident parents who will teach them to become fulfilled and balanced adults.

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Ailurophobia: why are some people afraid of cats?

We are often familiar with famous phobias, such as the fear of lifts, the fear of crowds, the fear of spiders, etc. But do you know about ailurophobia, or the fear of cats? And why do some people suffer from it, often severely?

Ailurophobia: what is it?

First of all, what is ailurophobia? It is an irrational fear of cats, which occurs in a person who has experienced a trauma, often in childhood. This pathological defence mechanism then sets in, fleeing the feline race in an unreasonable manner.
Also called felinophobia, gatophobia or elurophobia, this particular phobia has attracted medical and popular attention, since the beginning of the 20th century, neurologists have been studying the causes of this pathology, which belongs to the anxiety disorders.

The American neurologist Silas Weir Mitchell, for example, wrote an article in the New York Times in 1905, attempting to explain the causes of this fear.

In practice, ailurophobia results in anxiety attacks (repeated, prolonged and excessive anxiety) when the patient is confronted with a cat, either directly or indirectly.

The patient's daily life is often affected, as our cat friends are present almost everywhere on the planet, in our flats or in our streets and countryside. Sometimes this fear is so strong that the subject can sense the presence of a cat within hundreds of metres in advance! And in extreme cases, the sight of a feline is enough to cause a panic attack.

What are the symptoms of ailurophobia?

When people suffering from ailurophobia are confronted with the object of their fear, several symptoms arise, which make it possible to evaluate the severity of their pathology, according to their intensity.

These symptoms are:

• Excessive production of sweat;
• Acceleration of the heart rate;
• Feeling of an irrepressible urge to flee;
• Dizziness (in some cases);
• Loss of consciousness and tremors may also occur;
• Difficulty in breathing may also occur.

Where does garlicurophobia come from?

Like any anxiety disorder, ailurophobia can have various origins, depending on the individual. It may stem primarily from a childhood trauma, such as a cat bite or scratch. The individual suffering from phobia may also have inherited a family fear linked to a toxoplasmosis contracted by a pregnant family member.

Finally, let's not forget the superstitious aspect linked to cats, associating misfortune with the vision of a black cat. Beyond these leads, medicine is not currently able to clearly identify the origins of this phobia, ruling out in any case the "rational" origins, such as asthma or an allergy contracted in the presence of cats. In the end, it would appear to be a defence mechanism that an individual puts in place to avoid facing an anxiety.

What are the treatments for ailurophobia?

When daily life becomes too much affected by this phobia, psychotherapeutic treatments can be considered.

Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT)

Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) is available to help with this. With a therapist, one tries to confront the object of one's fear by carrying out practical exercises based on the patient's behaviour and reactions. Ericksonian hypnosis can also be tried: a brief therapy, it can be used to treat anxiety disorders that cannot be treated by psychotherapy.

Neuro-linguistic programming and EMDR

Also NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) and EMDR (Eyes Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) offer different approaches to treatment.

Neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) will look at the way humans function in a given environment, based on their behavioural patterns. By using certain methods and tools, NLP will help the individual to change their perception of the world around them. This will change their initial behaviours and conditioning, by operating in the structure of their world view. In the case of a phobia, this method is particularly suitable.

As for EMDR, which stands for Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing, it uses sensory stimulation through eye movements, but also through auditory or tactile stimuli.

This method allows the stimulation of a complex neuropsychological mechanism present in each of us. This stimulation allows us to reprocess moments experienced as traumatic and not digested by our brain, which can be at the origin of very disabling symptoms, such as phobias.

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Assertiveness: Tips for becoming more assertive

The world can seem cruel to people who are not assertive. Assertiveness is often lacking when you are not confident and find it difficult to express yourself. Fortunately, there are tips on how to be assertive.

Find the source of your lack of assertiveness

Do you find it hard to assert yourself because you lack confidence? Do you find it hard to say no? Find out why and where this behaviour comes from. It may come from your childhood or your adult experience, because you were under the influence of toxic people, for example. In any case, finding the origin of this difficulty will help you to see things a little more clearly.

Know who you are and what you want

To be able to assert yourself, you need to know yourself. Self-assertion requires a better knowledge of oneself, because to express oneself, one must know how to identify one's feelings, weaknesses, strengths and limitations.

Before asserting yourself in a specific situation, you must first know what you want and need. Then you can express it to others.

Express yourself clearly and use the "I" word

To be heard, you have to speak up! Whether in a conflict, a meeting or a debate, don't be afraid to make your point of view clear.

But whatever message you want to get across, it will be better understood if you deliver it firmly, but gently. You speak for yourself, not against the other person. If you are not happy with a situation, involve yourself in the conversation by using "I" rather than the accusatory "you": "I don't feel respected" rather than "you don't respect me", for example.

Talk about yourself in a positive way

Think carefully before you talk about yourself: "what an idiot" or "I'm incapable of" are like curses you cast on yourself. Being assertive means rephrasing your sentences in a positive way. Look for the good rather than the bad. Your successes rather than your failures.

Adapt your posture

Assertiveness also involves your physique, the way you stand, your gaze... Practise standing up straight, shoulders raised, head held high, supporting the gaze of your interlocutor, walking with a confident step and smiling, because your attitude influences your thinking.

Dare to say no

In order to become more assertive, you have to learn to say no, which is a difficult exercise for many people.

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What is considered video game addiction?

Excessive playing of video games can be dangerous for young people. Establishing a few rules is essential to protect them. Focus on the signs of this form of addiction, possible treatment and prevention solutions.

The public most susceptible to video game addiction

It is mainly young people who are exposed to video game addiction. However, cases of serious pathological addiction are quite rare. The greatest risk of addiction is with networked games, especially multi-player role-playing games. Addiction to video games is considered to exist when the player engages in this type of activity excessively, i.e. for 30 hours a week or more, which is much more than the time spent by hardcore gamers, i.e. between 18 and 20 hours a week.

Spotting a video game addiction

There are certain signs that should alert parents, as the symptoms of video game addiction are usually the same. For example, there is a sudden drop in school results, a lack of interest in any other type of activity, but also in social relationships (friends and family). Indeed, the practice of video games in the context of an addiction occupies most of the time, since the subject is unable to reduce the time he devotes to games. This is to the detriment of other activities that they used to be passionate about, such as sport, cinema, music, art or simply going out with friends. The young person tends to isolate himself and no longer wishes to leave his home.

When you notice changes in your child's behaviour, it is important to look for the cause. This may be completely unrelated to the passion for video games.

Video game addiction: the risks

There may be repercussions on sleep, as the addicted gamer tends to play even at night, thus shortening his or her rest time. Sometimes the addiction can also affect the diet.

A fragile person who is addicted to video games runs the risk of ending up sooner or later in a state of psychological suffering and great loneliness if no care is taken. The result is obvious malaise. In rare cases, a video game addict can become extremely sad or aggressive.

If nothing is done to enable him to break with his addiction, the young person is gradually exposed to failure at school and desocialisation. In the long term, he or she may lose self-esteem.

Video game addiction: the right response

As we have seen, video game addiction can have a significant impact on the mental and physical health of young pathological gamers, but it is still not very common. Reacting as soon as possible is essential to limit the impact of this addiction. The gambling addict cannot limit himself. On the other hand, parents must control the time spent gambling.

It is essential that they establish a dialogue with their child, during which video games must be discussed without taboos. This is a good way of taking an interest in this very topical phenomenon and showing your child that you share their interest. Above all, it is important to avoid power struggles.

A video game can be positive if it is perfectly adapted to the age of the child or teenager, and if the time devoted to it is reasonable. It should not interfere with family life, schooling, sleep and leisure time. It can also be an activity to be shared with the family. When young people play alone, it is advisable that the space reserved for video games is located in the areas of the house reserved for the whole family. In this way, the young person is not isolated in front of the screen and it is easier to limit the time spent on this activity.

Parents who are at a loss when faced with the onset of their child's addiction to video games can turn to their doctor. The young person can then be looked after by a psychologist specialising in addictive practices. This is useful if the young person is a pathological gamer, which is fortunately not very common. Moreover, addictive behaviour is much more common among adults than among young people. In any case, in the case of an extreme case, it is best to refer the young person to a specialist in adolescent and child behavioural problems.

Preventing addiction to video games requires the establishment of real but not drastic rules: there is no question of banning access to video games. Thirty to sixty minutes a day, depending on the age of the child or adolescent, is a perfectly reasonable and safe amount of time to play.

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The four agreements of Toltec wisdom

The Toltec Agreements - What do you need to know?

The Four Toltec Agreements proposes to free us from the daily pressure - a devious and counter-productive energy invented by modern man - responsible for much physical and psychological suffering. Contemporary societies feed our bodies and minds with fear of tomorrow and thus limit our ability to perceive the feeling of freedom. This essay does not impose any doctrine, but advises on the paths to take in order to consider a quest for freedom...

1st Toltec Agreement

Let your word be impeccable.

Translation:

This is undoubtedly the most important agreement, but also the most difficult to respect. Your word is not only a communication tool:

It is also a force for creating the events of your life. It therefore has a strong power to cause chaos around you.

This is why it is recommended to speak only with integrity and say what you really think, avoiding backbiting and lying.

Practical exercise:

Keep a workbook and list the things you have said about which you have had doubts.

Under each statement, answer these questions:

1. Do you agree with the deeper meaning of these words?
2. Do they correspond to what you want to achieve and who you are?
3. What words could you have used instead?
4. What impact might this change have on the future?

2nd Toltec Agreement

Whatever happens, don't make it personal.

Translation:

This agreement denounces behaviours induced by susceptibility such as sulking, backbiting or revenge. To avoid them, it is important to remember that what others do or say is only a projection of their reality. It is therefore important to be immune to the opinions and actions of others.

Practical exercise:

Observe and record your reactions to the behaviour of others in your environment.

1. Do you criticise them?
2. Do you find your behaviour objectionable?
3. Where you wish to be free, offer the same freedom to others.

3rd Toltec Agreement

Make no assumptions.

Translation:

Assumptions lead to many misunderstandings, dramas, arguments, separations, anxieties. The Third Toltec Agreement encourages you to take courage to ask the questions and express what you really want. It sounds like a simple agreement, but in reality it truly transforms the way you are.

Practical exercise:

1. Think of an attitude, a behaviour, a way of proceeding of an individual (relative, friend, media individual) that you initially disliked.
2. Think of several reasons why they might have acted in that way and notice the differences in your feelings about it.

4th Toltec Agreement

Always do your best.

To put this agreement into action, you must remember that "your best" changes according to the situations, the years, the periods of your life. Whatever the situation, do your best so that you don't have regrets or feel guilty.

Practical exercise:

1. Plan simple, measurable actions to improve your satisfaction.
2. Carry them out and observe the effect they have on you. Did you do your best?
3. Detail the areas of your life that you are dissatisfied with and try to plan new actions that will improve your satisfaction.

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What to do when faced with a mythomaniac?

Origin of mythomania

The term mythomania was coined by the forensic physician Ernest Dupré at the very beginning of the 20th century. It originally referred to the elective aptitude of children for lying and simulation and more precisely to the "pathological tendency, more or less voluntary and conscious, to lie and to create imaginary fables". For Dupré, haunted by the risk of miscarriages of justice, the child is driven by a constitutional need to harm adults by lying in a natural way. Even if he specifies that these acts are always unintentional, such a discourse constitutes a real indictment of children, and all the more so as he does not put forward any hypothesis to explain the phenomenon. According to him, the child's conscience only intervenes at the very beginning of the lie, which, by progressive autosuggestion, imposes itself on the child's belief. The child would live his lie so intensely that he would end up sincerely believing it.

The lie

The term lie traditionally associated with thought, with intelligence in action. Today, it designates an "assertion knowingly contrary to the truth, made with the intention of deceiving", which confirms the idea that the liar never believes his lie. In other words, a person who says something false that he believes to be true is not lying, he is mistaken.

The linguist A. Reboul confirms this by adding that an assertion can only be qualified as a lie on the condition that "the speaker intends that his interlocutor believe that he believes in the truth of what he is saying.

The definition of a lie therefore comes up against the idea of "lying to oneself". However, it seems that the mythomaniac himself believes his own lies... Can we call the mythomaniac a liar?

Is the mythomaniac a liar?

A. Eiguer defines "mythomania" as a form of mystification towards others, but also towards oneself. Classically, the mythomaniac creates a self-validating persona to which he or she adheres with such determination that he or she is able to convince those around him or her.

"Mythsters must sincerely believe in the stories they tell and the characters they invent in order to better convince others. Even if they don't at first, they eventually get caught up in their own game.

In other words, mythomaniacs start by lying, and then end up taking ownership of the theme of their narrative. A theory was developed in 1891 by the psychiatrist A. Delbrück to describe and explain the phenomenon. Delbrück to describe and explain this phenomenon: the theory of pseudologia-phantistica. The doctor considers this phenomenon as a day dream told to another person as if it were reality, and without any intention to deceive.

Mythomania today

Mythomania today is a pathology characterised by falsehoods in which the perpetrator believes. The individual elaborates scenarios, events, acts and characters that have never taken place or do not exist. They claim to be actors or witnesses in a story that they themselves have imagined and which often places them in an advantageous position.

The mythomaniac ends up acting partially or totally according to his imaginary production. "Not having the strength to exist in reality, they do not really know who they are, since they identify themselves only through the imaginary,". It is therefore a way of escaping an unacceptable reality or one that is difficult to face without suffering. It is a "defence of the organism against a feeling of inferiority and regression".

By an almost unconscious decision and to avoid frustration, the mythomaniac locks himself into a false universe where reality and fiction merge. In most cases, this process tends to last a long time.

"The liar acts with the intention of giving false information. He always has a choice between telling the truth or not, and he knows the difference between the two. Mythomaniacs, who know they are not telling the truth, are unable to control their behaviour and are not aware that they are lying".

The causes of mythomania

Why do some people lie to their interlocutors without any material reason? What psychological benefits does a relationship where others are deceived bring to the liar?

Why does a child lie?

There are several reasons why a child might lie. They may want to feel valued, to avoid responsibility or to fear reprimand. In any case, the child would be unaware of lying before the age of 6 or 7: before that, he or she often alters reality, but unconsciously and without intention to harm.

The typical portrait of the mythomaniac

Because the confession is unbearable, mythomaniacs quickly become great mystifiers. They must be believed or else everything collapses and their imaginary world collapses. He therefore does everything possible to be as accurate as possible, feeding on reality, drawing fragments of truth here and there. Nothing is left to chance, everything is thought out so that the fabrication is credible.

The mythomaniac is typically fragile, hyperemotional, subject to a strong dependence on the gaze of others and whose powers of imagination are increased tenfold. Whatever their profile, they are often the first victims of their imaginary stories, which they have difficulty distinguishing from reality.

What happens when the liar is found out?

This is the worst case scenario for a liar: being discovered. It is a moment that he experiences in an extremely anxious way and that pushes him to take several paths:

• Embark on a new lie.
• To sink into depression.
• Flee to another place where everything can be started again.

What to do when faced with a mythomaniac?

When dealing with a liar, it is recommended not to pay attention to his lies, at the risk of pushing him even further into what he believes to be reality. Similarly, it is not advisable to violently contradict what he says, at the risk of causing obstinacy from which it would be even more difficult to escape.

The best solution is to gradually help the mythomaniac to become aware of the falsity of his reality, by confronting his speech with elements that are not in line with it, while bearing in mind that mythomania can be a serious illness. There is no point in constantly telling him that he is lying.

Therapy is the most recommended treatment, but the mythomaniac must be willing to seek it.

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What to do when faced with a megalomaniac?

Megalomania is quite common. It can be very annoying for those around you. Tips for living with a megalomaniac.

What is megalomania?

Megalomania corresponds to a hypertrophied pride. This psychopathological illness is part of the narcissistic personality. It is expressed by an overestimation of oneself which makes the megalomaniac attribute prestigious actions, exceptional gifts, unlimited love affections, unsuspected wealth.

Megalomania is often the result of a narcissistic personality disorder. It may be reinforced by paranoia or schizophrenia.

Megalomania, to varying degrees, is quite common. This self-expansion is quite exemplary in artists, dictators and great politicians. As our society pushes individuals to become more and more self-centred, megalomaniacs are becoming more and more numerous.

Megalomania is often linked to emotional deficiencies in childhood, where self-esteem could not be acquired in a solid way.

The symptoms of megalomania

A megalomaniac feels superior, more talented, more beautiful, more important than everyone else. He or she thinks that he or she has the glory and the power. He or she is often delusional and delusions of grandeur. One megalomaniac thinks he is a great actor, another sees himself as Napoleon Bonaparte! In extreme cases, megalomaniacs have hallucinations.

Cognitive and behavioural therapies can improve the behaviour of megalomaniacs. Psychoanalysis can also help. But most of the time the megalomaniac does not seek treatment because he/she thinks he/she is better than the therapists!

Living with a megalomaniac is complicated

Megalomaniacs think that they are entitled to everything. They believe that they can do anything they want and that their desires must always be fulfilled. Opposing them can lead to crises. The people around them are at their disposal. Megalomaniacs lack empathy. They are so focused on themselves that they do not pay attention to the feelings of others.

In addition, megalomaniacs are haughty, arrogant, and need to be admired.

All this makes them difficult people to deal with, whether in a family, friendship or professional setting!

What to do when faced with a megalomaniac?

If you have a megalomaniac in your circle, show approval only when it is sincere and deserved and explain why others do not find them as exceptional as they think.

If you want to criticise her, it is better not to attack her as a person but to criticise one of her behaviours in particular.

Be aware of her attempts to manipulate you, whether through fear ("Be careful if you..."), flattery ("You are the best") or guilt ("After all I have done for you...").

Do not expect reciprocity, give and take. The megalomaniac expects to receive a lot, but will not give you back what you give, because everything is due to them, they deserve what you give them.

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