Aquaphobia: Why am I afraid of water?

Aquaphobia comes from the Latin "aqua" meaning "water" and the Greek "phobia" meaning "fear". It is a common phobia. It is characterised by a panic and unreasonable fear of water. This anxiety disorder, sometimes referred to as hydrophobia, can be disabling in everyday life, and in particular can interfere with the sufferer's leisure activities. A person suffering from aquaphobia will often not be able to get into the water, even if they have feet, and being near water will be an ordeal.

What is aquaphobia?

Water phobia is an uncontrolled fear and aversion to water. The anxiety disorder manifests itself in large bodies of water such as an ocean or a lake, but also in watery places that are under human control such as swimming pools. In some severe cases, the aquaphobic person is also unable to get into a bathtub.

Aquaphobia manifests itself to different degrees in different patients. But it should not be confused with a simple feeling of insecurity because one cannot swim or does not feel comfortable when one is not on foot, for example. In fact, in this type of case, it is a legitimate apprehension and not an aquaphobia.

Causes of aquaphobia: why am I afraid of water?

The reasons that can most often explain the panic fear of water in adulthood, are most often related to a psychological trauma dating back to childhood:

• An accidental fall into the water ;
• a drowning in the child's environment
• a memorable story overheard during a meal;
• or a parent with aquaphobia.

Often the trauma occurs when the child does not yet know how to swim, which further increases the feeling of insecurity and loss of control. Being pushed into a swimming pool at a young age or holding one's head under water for a long time as a child's "game" can sometimes leave traces in adulthood.

The symptoms of aquaphobia

Disproportionately high levels of anxiety in the vicinity of water indicate that a person is suffering from aquaphobia:

• The idea of being confronted with swimming or going out to sea on a boat puts you in a state of high anxiety;
• When you are near water, your heart rate increases;
• You have tremors;
• Sweating;
• Buzzing;
• Dizziness;
• You are afraid of dying

For some aquaphobics, the simple fact of being splashed or hearing the splash of water can trigger a state of acute stress, leading the person to decline all water-related activities.

Swimming pool courses to overcome aquaphobia

Lifeguards offer courses for adults adapted to the different degrees of aquaphobia in order to overcome the fear of water. These small group sessions are also open to people who simply want to become more comfortable in the pool.

Each participant, accompanied by a professional, will be able to tame the aquatic environment at his or her own pace thanks to breathing, immersion and floating techniques. Over the course of the lessons, some aquaphobes will be able to put their head under water and overcome their fear of depth.

Contact your local swimming pool or town hall to find out if there are any swimming lessons or aquaphobia courses near you.

What treatments are available for aquaphobia?

Cognitive behavioural therapy can also be effective in gradually improving tolerance to stressful situations and reducing the level of anxiety linked to fears.

Psychotherapy can also be useful in understanding the origin of the phobia and thus succeed in overcoming it.

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Chinese New Year - 1 February

Chinese New Year. The event, also known as the Lunar New Year, heralds the beginning of the Year of the Water Tiger. 

Chinese New Year 2022 will occur on Tuesday 1 February 2022. Often referred to as the "Lunar New Year", this celebration is actually honoured in several Asian countries, and for several days. It is also known as Spring Festival or Tet Festival in Vietnam. This new lunar cycle, comes after the winter solstice.

Is this a good sign for the year 2022? Calmness, balance and distance in judgements will be the main qualities to cultivate throughout the Chinese New Year 2022. Synonymous with unexpected changes and surprising developments, but also with tension and rebellion, the Tiger could mean that you will have to give your best to significantly improve your standard of living. The Water Yang element honours maturity and deep emotions as it is a symbolic element of temperance. Consequently, human relationships will gain in depth, objectivity and transparency. The year will end on January 21, 2023, to be followed by the Water Hare on January 22, 2023.

When does Chinese New Year fall in 2022?

The date of the Chinese New Year changes every year because it is based on the lunisolar calendar. This corresponds to the first new moon of the year. The date is determined in the Chinese city of Nanjing, at the Purple Mountain Observatory. In 2022, the date of the Chinese New Year is Tuesday, February 1.

What is the Chinese New Year sign in 2022?

Each new lunar year has its own Chinese horoscope. Gone is the Metal Buffalo, we move on to a new animal, the Water Tiger. The Water Tiger, the third animal of the Chinese zodiac, is "courageous, impulsive and supportive". This animal associates easily with the Horse and the Dog, but very badly with the Monkey. The Tiger's equivalent European astrological sign is Aquarius.

Which animal is associated with you?

In the Chinese calendar, each year is associated with one of the twelve signs of the zodiac, represented by animals, which return in a cyclical manner every 12 years: rat, buffalo, tiger, rabbit, dragon, snake, horse, goat, monkey, rooster, dog, pig. The new year is also linked to one of the five cosmogonic elements: Wood, Fire, Earth, Metal, Water.

To find out your element in the Chinese horoscope, birth years ending in 0 or 1 are Metal, 2 or 3 are Water, 4 or 5 are Wood, 6 or 7 are Fire, 8 or 9 are Earth.

Lunar New Year: a year shorter than the solar year

Chinese New Year or Lunar New Year? As the Chinese New Year festivities get into full swing on 1 February 2022, the official date of the Lunar New Year, the question may be asked. While drumming and dragon parades are part of the folklore, the evolution of the name of the event is still unknown to the general public. However, this change in wording is not insignificant... The first explanation is the choice of date for the event, which changes every year.

The globalisation and the mixing of cultures that these celebrations have brought about can also help to understand this evolution. The Chinese New Year is no longer celebrated only in China, but also in many Asian countries where the Middle Kingdom has a major influence.

So why the change of date? The Chinese calendar is called lunisolar, which means that the months are not set according to the annual cycle of the Sun, as in the Gregorian calendar, but according to the regular cycle of the phases of the Moon. As a result, the date of the Chinese, or lunar, New Year varies from one year to the next on our calendar. In order to prevent the seasons from drifting, the lunar calendar must be regularly readjusted to the solar calendar...

To better understand this, it is important to know that the 12 lunar months have a duration of about 354 days, which gives us months of 29.5 days, i.e. 11 days less than in the solar calendar. Every three years, a 13th lunar month is added in order to make the lunar calendar correspond to the solar calendar, and thus avoid this famous unwanted drift of the seasons. The years do not all have the same number of days, but the Chinese New Year always occurs between January 21 and February 20 in the Gregorian calendar. And according to the lunar cycle, the event arrives precisely on the second new moon since the winter solstice. As with all the beginnings of the Chinese months, the Lunar New Year is the first day of a new moon.

In which countries is Chinese New Year celebrated?

Contrary to its name, Chinese New Year is not only celebrated in China on the Asian continent. It is celebrated in several Asian countries: in Vietnam, Malaysia, Singapore, Thailand, the Philippines, Indonesia, Singapore, Hong Kong and Brunei. A tradition that dates back more than 4,000 years, Chinese New Year is celebrated for a fortnight until the day before the Lantern Festival on 26 February.

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Unconditional love: what is limitless love?

Unconditional love is a way of loving the other person entirely, of accepting him or her as he or she is, without reserve and with his or her faults and qualities. This love is often cited as the love we reserve for our children, so rare does it seem to be to be able to offer such love to a person, within a couple. What is love without limits? Is it beneficial? What are the risks of imbalance?

How can we define unconditional love?

First of all, there are several types of relationships in which love can be expressed:

• parent-child relationships
• brother-sister relationships
• couple relationships

In all these relationships, two kinds of love can occur: conditional love and unconditional love.

In conditional love, you give your love in "exchange" for something, consciously or unconsciously. This may be a perceived extraordinary quality in the other, or material comfort, or affection, attention, time spent. The quality of this love is much lower than that of unconditional love, since here, love is "monetised", even by unspoken words. Much of the beauty of love, which is normally free and without expectation of return, is lost.

In unconditional love, one gives one's love without any limits or expectations of return. It is much more difficult to apply, but much richer to live and fulfilling. It is about accepting the other person as a whole, with their faults and qualities, without trying to change them. We can love someone for their intelligence, their kindness, their generosity... But loving this person unconditionally also allows us to love their unattractive stoutness, their propensity to remain slumped on the sofa, or their little daily obsessions. When you love someone unconditionally, you are much more forgiving, even of bigger problems, such as infidelity, or other moral faults.

This is generally the love that we have for our child throughout our lives, but it can exist between a man and a woman in a couple.

It is a love that is absolute, devoted, intense and can hardly be broken. It is a romantic love. Nothing is expected in return, and therein lies the beauty and purity of this love. However, there can be suffering in this lack of limits, especially if the loved one abuses this unconditional love.

What are the limits of unconditional love?

How can we love unconditionally without suffering?

Psychiatrists and psychologists seem to affirm that unconditional love towards a person who is not one's child would reflect a lack of love and self-esteem. Indeed, to forgive a person everything without limits and to want to fulfil all his or her needs without asking for anything in return shows a deep disrespect for oneself.

Love without limits is then very destructive, since there are no barriers to guaranteeing respect for one's own esteem, one's person. When we allow the other person to make moral mistakes or treat us badly, without distancing ourselves from them, we show them a devaluing image of ourselves. By letting the blatant reasons for breaking up in love pass in the usual cases, we unconsciously send this message to the other person: "Do me all the bad things you want, I'll always stay with you. This type of relationship is very unhealthy and often turns into a perverse relationship between the persecutor and the persecuted.

What balance should be given to unconditional love?

Without necessarily entering into a perverse relationship, there will always be an imbalance in a couple's relationship when one of the two people loves unconditionally, while the other does not.

This asymmetry will lead to suffering on both sides: the one who loves more intensely will suffer from not being loved at the same level; the one who receives unconditional love will suffer from being "smothered" by the other's love, from being the only source of contentment.

There is then dependence, and the beginning of the destruction of the relationship, when the unconditional lover is unable to grow and find other fulfilments outside the relationship.

To remain balanced, a couple must therefore love each other equally and respect each other's independence.

Our brains are initially designed to love unconditionally. And this is what happens at the beginning of a love relationship: it's passion, we are in the absolute, the purity of the bond, we literally "take" the other person completely, even his or her small defects. Then, a few months or years later, our "rational" brain takes over, and if we can't stand our partner's now very visible flaws, we break up.

On the other hand, long-lasting love affairs show us that, even when we see the other person's faults, we are indulgent towards them, and sometimes even have tenderness for them. However, the limits are clear: our brains make sure that the other person does not overstep the mark. A moral fault that is too serious would lead to a break-up.

Unconditional love is therefore a stage to be lived and crossed in a couple, a spark that allows the beautiful beginnings of a love. But to live a healthy and balanced love, this love must evolve, thanks to communication, empathy and respect.

How to get out of unconditional love?

Those who remain in the state of unconditional love remain in a very infantile state: they refuse to grow up, and to evolve in their way of loving. Indeed, to become dependent on the other person by offering him or her all of one's devoted and loving being, resembles the devotion of a small child to his or her parents, without whom, he or she cannot manage.

The unconditional lover must then work on himself, possibly in therapy, in order to dive into introspection on the level of his childhood, or to redefine his needs and his lacks in love. One then learns, by coming out of unconditional love, to have mature exchanges with others, to communicate, and to love without invading or smothering the other in a love without freedom or shared fulfilment.

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Sport addicts: When sport becomes dangerous

Although sport is in principle good for your health, being addicted to sport to the point of not being able to do without it can be harmful. This addiction has a name: bigorexia. Here is an update on an addictive behaviour recognised by the WHO.

To like sport or to be addicted: how to know?

The person who suffers (often unconsciously) from bigorexia is not necessarily a high-level athlete. In fact, the sports addict can be an amateur who starts "for fun" or to lose weight, for example. But what is the difference between pleasure in sport and addiction? The borderline is not always easy to define, as sport, once the initial efforts have been made, is often slightly addictive.

However, unlike the "classic" sportsman, the sports addict does not spend a day without thinking about his physical activity. Before or after work, sometimes both, during the week and at the weekend, the sports addict cannot imagine spending one or more days without practising his or her favourite activity. Running and weight training are generally the sports with the most addicts.

What are the dangers for the sports addict?

When practised regularly and within one's limits, sport is excellent for one's health. It helps to eliminate toxins, release hormones that help you relax, keep your weight down and your body toned. However, if the sport addict enjoys all these benefits at the beginning, it is then impossible to give up.

When sport becomes an obsession, the addict may take risks to excel, which may result in injuries, fractures, etc., and disregard medical recommendations. This obsession also tends to interfere with social life, sometimes with professional life and in some cases with family life. The sports addict lives only for his passion and seems disconnected from the reality of everyday life.

How do you get addicted to sport?

While the idea of running for 10 minutes scares some people, we sometimes hear that marathon runners really enjoy the race. How can you enjoy running more than 42 kilometres, some would say? This can be explained simply by the fact that sport leads to a real pleasure in the effort. This comes from the release of dopamine, a neurotransmitter that gives a feeling of well-being throughout the body.

In addition, sport increases sweating, which encourages the consumption of water and thus eliminates many toxins. The body seems cleansed and toned, and a general feeling of well-being pervades the athlete after the effort. These pleasant effects make the athlete want to do it all over again and sometimes create an addiction to go further and faster, regardless of the physical or weather conditions.

Sport addicts: self-imposed limits

Those who become aware of their addiction must take a few precautions to prevent their sport from encroaching on their professional and/or private life. The sportsman or woman may be alerted by certain events that are not very trivial: for example, if he or she puts sport before an important meeting at work or if he or she prefers to go running alone every weekend rather than spending time with his or her partner and/or children.

As long as the passion does not turn into an obsession, the athlete has no reason to worry about his condition. For example, they should be able to stop for several days without feeling physical withdrawal and know how to refuse a sports outing if they are ill or injured.

Enjoying the benefits of sport without going overboard

Sport is an ideal activity that often helps to avoid insomnia, to gain confidence, to learn to know one's own limits and even to widen one's social circle. If we add the other benefits mentioned above (feeling of well-being, elimination of toxins, etc.), we realise that sport is an excellent daily asset. It is therefore important to practice it calmly without being afraid of going overboard. Setting a maximum number of sessions per week (3 to 5) and refusing intensive training when you are only an amateur are precautions that can help a potential sports addict to avoid becoming addicted.

High-level athletes must be able to prepare themselves calmly for the end of their career. Devoting part of one's life to sport often leads to addiction and it is therefore necessary to prepare oneself physically and mentally for a gradual "drop-out".

In case of severe addiction to sport and consequences such as recurrent injuries, fractures, eating disorders and changes in social relationships, it is advisable to consult a doctor or to be followed by a psychologist.

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How to help your children be happy?

We dream of educating our children in the best possible way, to make them balanced and independent and to give them all the keys to blossom in their future life. To help them grow up and become happy adults themselves, it is up to you, the parents, to educate them as much as to love them.

Setting limits for your child to help him or her develop

Although children need to be reassured and encouraged, they also need to be confronted with many limits. Accepting frustration is an essential step for them. With the use of "no" from an early age, the child learns the reality of life and integrates the basics of social rhythms, sharing, relationships with other children but also with adults and becomes aware of his place within the family.

Parents must therefore become guarantors of reality, and keep their place as adults and not as accomplices with the child. While taking into account the child's character, it is their duty to push him or her in a direction that corresponds to him or her, while instilling in him or her the values that are indispensable for life in the community.

The importance of family life for the happiness of children

It is also essential not to sacrifice the couple by giving too much space to the child. For the child to be happy, the parental model must also be happy. It is therefore important for the couple to give themselves time together and not let the children impose their rhythm at home. The family pattern: adults versus children must be clear and respected.

But it does not stop there. In order for them to blossom and therefore to be happy, children need to share moments of joy with their loved ones. Through outings, games or moments of complicity with his parents, he creates anchors to which he can unconsciously cling later. The same applies to meals. By taking part in the family dinner, the child creates reference points and offers himself moments of privileged dialogue necessary for his emotional balance.

Learning to understand your child's emotions to make them happy

Feelings and sentiments are emotional storms for adults and even more so for children. But unlike their parents, children do not know how to step back from their own emotions. It is therefore your role to help them understand and control their emotions. By taking the time to communicate and reassure them, you can help them tame their emotions and get to know themselves better. With simple questions such as "Are you sad or angry?", "Do you know why, or what triggered your reaction?

From now on, they understand and recognise their emotions and adapt to their environment. In a word, he opens up to the world around him. Impulses are better controlled, frustration is tolerated and the child feels better.

Acting calmly, and reassuring your child to help them be happy

With huge upheavals in their bodies and minds, children, especially very young ones, are particularly sensitive to the tone you use and the stress you can communicate to them. Raising your voice to defuse a difficult situation is counterproductive and will only aggravate the situation and generate useless and harmful anxiety in the child, which will remain in the child's subconscious for a long time. The best way to deal with a tantrum is to remain calm and firm in your attitude while explaining why you will not give in. Limits can be set gently and allow the child to integrate the basics that are essential to his future happiness.

If he is afraid, and even if the cause of his anxiety seems silly to you, do not scold him and take it seriously. You need to be benevolent to allow him to set up his emotional and rational neural circuitry in the best possible way.

The child, and even more so the very young child, is a real sponge for the different feelings he or she has, but also for those of his or her parents. To help them master these feelings and integrate into their new environment, they need serene and confident parents who will teach them to become fulfilled and balanced adults.

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Ailurophobia: why are some people afraid of cats?

We are often familiar with famous phobias, such as the fear of lifts, the fear of crowds, the fear of spiders, etc. But do you know about ailurophobia, or the fear of cats? And why do some people suffer from it, often severely?

Ailurophobia: what is it?

First of all, what is ailurophobia? It is an irrational fear of cats, which occurs in a person who has experienced a trauma, often in childhood. This pathological defence mechanism then sets in, fleeing the feline race in an unreasonable manner.
Also called felinophobia, gatophobia or elurophobia, this particular phobia has attracted medical and popular attention, since the beginning of the 20th century, neurologists have been studying the causes of this pathology, which belongs to the anxiety disorders.

The American neurologist Silas Weir Mitchell, for example, wrote an article in the New York Times in 1905, attempting to explain the causes of this fear.

In practice, ailurophobia results in anxiety attacks (repeated, prolonged and excessive anxiety) when the patient is confronted with a cat, either directly or indirectly.

The patient's daily life is often affected, as our cat friends are present almost everywhere on the planet, in our flats or in our streets and countryside. Sometimes this fear is so strong that the subject can sense the presence of a cat within hundreds of metres in advance! And in extreme cases, the sight of a feline is enough to cause a panic attack.

What are the symptoms of ailurophobia?

When people suffering from ailurophobia are confronted with the object of their fear, several symptoms arise, which make it possible to evaluate the severity of their pathology, according to their intensity.

These symptoms are:

• Excessive production of sweat;
• Acceleration of the heart rate;
• Feeling of an irrepressible urge to flee;
• Dizziness (in some cases);
• Loss of consciousness and tremors may also occur;
• Difficulty in breathing may also occur.

Where does garlicurophobia come from?

Like any anxiety disorder, ailurophobia can have various origins, depending on the individual. It may stem primarily from a childhood trauma, such as a cat bite or scratch. The individual suffering from phobia may also have inherited a family fear linked to a toxoplasmosis contracted by a pregnant family member.

Finally, let's not forget the superstitious aspect linked to cats, associating misfortune with the vision of a black cat. Beyond these leads, medicine is not currently able to clearly identify the origins of this phobia, ruling out in any case the "rational" origins, such as asthma or an allergy contracted in the presence of cats. In the end, it would appear to be a defence mechanism that an individual puts in place to avoid facing an anxiety.

What are the treatments for ailurophobia?

When daily life becomes too much affected by this phobia, psychotherapeutic treatments can be considered.

Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT)

Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) is available to help with this. With a therapist, one tries to confront the object of one's fear by carrying out practical exercises based on the patient's behaviour and reactions. Ericksonian hypnosis can also be tried: a brief therapy, it can be used to treat anxiety disorders that cannot be treated by psychotherapy.

Neuro-linguistic programming and EMDR

Also NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) and EMDR (Eyes Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) offer different approaches to treatment.

Neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) will look at the way humans function in a given environment, based on their behavioural patterns. By using certain methods and tools, NLP will help the individual to change their perception of the world around them. This will change their initial behaviours and conditioning, by operating in the structure of their world view. In the case of a phobia, this method is particularly suitable.

As for EMDR, which stands for Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing, it uses sensory stimulation through eye movements, but also through auditory or tactile stimuli.

This method allows the stimulation of a complex neuropsychological mechanism present in each of us. This stimulation allows us to reprocess moments experienced as traumatic and not digested by our brain, which can be at the origin of very disabling symptoms, such as phobias.

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Assertiveness: Tips for becoming more assertive

The world can seem cruel to people who are not assertive. Assertiveness is often lacking when you are not confident and find it difficult to express yourself. Fortunately, there are tips on how to be assertive.

Find the source of your lack of assertiveness

Do you find it hard to assert yourself because you lack confidence? Do you find it hard to say no? Find out why and where this behaviour comes from. It may come from your childhood or your adult experience, because you were under the influence of toxic people, for example. In any case, finding the origin of this difficulty will help you to see things a little more clearly.

Know who you are and what you want

To be able to assert yourself, you need to know yourself. Self-assertion requires a better knowledge of oneself, because to express oneself, one must know how to identify one's feelings, weaknesses, strengths and limitations.

Before asserting yourself in a specific situation, you must first know what you want and need. Then you can express it to others.

Express yourself clearly and use the "I" word

To be heard, you have to speak up! Whether in a conflict, a meeting or a debate, don't be afraid to make your point of view clear.

But whatever message you want to get across, it will be better understood if you deliver it firmly, but gently. You speak for yourself, not against the other person. If you are not happy with a situation, involve yourself in the conversation by using "I" rather than the accusatory "you": "I don't feel respected" rather than "you don't respect me", for example.

Talk about yourself in a positive way

Think carefully before you talk about yourself: "what an idiot" or "I'm incapable of" are like curses you cast on yourself. Being assertive means rephrasing your sentences in a positive way. Look for the good rather than the bad. Your successes rather than your failures.

Adapt your posture

Assertiveness also involves your physique, the way you stand, your gaze... Practise standing up straight, shoulders raised, head held high, supporting the gaze of your interlocutor, walking with a confident step and smiling, because your attitude influences your thinking.

Dare to say no

In order to become more assertive, you have to learn to say no, which is a difficult exercise for many people.

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