What is charisma? Can it be developed?

What is charisma?

The word "charisma" comes from the Greek word qàric, which combines the concepts of quality, grace, beauty and charm; qualities that are often the result of gifts given to men by the gods.

Charisma is defined as the set of qualities necessary for a leader, expressed through perceptible behaviour. These modes of expression fall into two categories: charisma of the mind and charisma of the body.

Innate leadership

It has long been thought that charisma is an innate quality of the individual. Plato considered the leader as an individual superior to others, distinguished by virtues, intellectual characteristics and social skills that he possesses from birth. Socrates concurred, stating that only a small number of individuals possess the vision, physical and mental gifts required of a leader to stand above the citizens. He even gave a short list of characteristics considered essential for a leader:

• Speed of learning
• Good memory
• Open-mindedness
• Excellent vision
• Physical presence
• Outstanding achievements

The most recent studies show that charisma can be taught, even if certain biological factors cannot be changed. Charisma teaching techniques significantly improve the level of charisma of individuals but require a huge investment. It is therefore pointless to believe that it is possible to obtain miraculous effects in a few days...

The qualities of a charismatic man

Charisma of the mind. The value of the words written or spoken, the literary style, the tastes, the way of life, the philosophy, translating his vision, his ingenuity, are all points likely to make an individual charismatic.

Charisma of the body. The internal qualities of charisma are conveyed here by non-verbal behaviour that can influence any listener, whether or not they know the speaker's language.

1. The ability of the leader to emotionally stimulate and inspire others. The charismatic individual is able to emotionally stimulate and inspire others through facial expressions, gestures, voice quality, intonation, etc.
2. The charismatic leader is gifted with a high degree of emotional intelligence: he/she has the ability to experience emotions, to transmit them and to be empathetic with others. In doing so, he or she easily manipulates the emotions of the audience in order to make them acquire beliefs and to make them adhere to his or her goals.
3. He/she must be seen as a reliable source by giving the impression that he/she is acting in the best interests of the audience (Benevolence), has the ability to plan and predict (Competence) and can prevail in competition (Dominance).

The biological characteristics of charisma

There are certain biological traits that allow us to distinguish ourselves from others and that are often common to many species, notably the use of different voice frequencies to communicate messages, personality traits, emotions such as anger (to frighten people), size, stature, vocalisations, facial expressions, posture...

These charisma-related characteristics evolve and are highly dependent on the human cultures in which they are embedded. This means that each culture will have a different model of charisma: in some cultures, the placid individual is more charismatic than an angry one, in others, the latter may be seen as potentially authoritarian and insensitive, which could lead to fear and respect.

List of adjectives used to describe charisma

Confident, confident, charming, eloquent, strong, personable, radiant, captivating, leader, attractive, authoritative, convincing, intelligent, outspoken, imposing, influential, orator, sociable, attractive, appealing, cultured, fascinating, likeable, spontaneous.

List of adjectives used to describe lack of charisma

Self-effacing, shy, banal, discreet, ignorant, introverted, withdrawn, reserved, vulgar, unpleasant, boring, weak, cold, hesitant, insignificant, modest, stammering, unsociable, clumsy, dull.

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How to recognise an opportunist?

An opportunist adapts his or her behaviour to the circumstances and the people he or she is dealing with in order to always take advantage of a situation. An attitude that generally disregards all moral principles.

What is opportunism?

It is an attitude that consists of adapting one's behaviour and ideas in order to make the most of a situation, even if it means compromising moral principles.

This way of putting one's interests before morality was described by the American economist Oliver Eaton Williamson in his work on "The Institutions of the Economy", published in 1985. He describes opportunism as a behavioural strategy based on fraudulent actions to gain an advantage.

How does opportunism manifest itself?

An opportunistic person will generally tend to put his or her own interests ahead of others through several types of behaviour such as manipulation and lying.

Opportunism can occur in the workplace, but also in relationships. It is most often associated with other faults such as selfishness, individualism or being calculating.

Can opportunism also be a quality?

Opportunism is not unanimously considered a flaw. For some, it is rather the ability to seize opportunities as they arise. Being opportunistic is a very good thing. Without it, humans would not have the capacity to adapt to survive.

A capacity to adapt to one's environment and to the person with whom one is dealing, sometimes valued in the professional world. Because opportunism can also be seen as a form of ambition where audacity, self-confidence, determination, observation or even anticipation are necessary to make a chance.

A game of strategy in which benevolence often has no place. In general, when we say that someone is an opportunist, it is a tribute to their intelligence but not a praise of their level of ethics. Because being opportunistic is mainly characterised by putting one's own interests ahead of others.

Testimony: I was in a relationship with an opportunistic man

When she fell in love with David in 2015, Sara did not immediately perceive the opportunism of her companion. "We had vaguely crossed paths at a party several years ago. I learned from a friend that he was looking for a company to complete his final year of a master's degree in the IT sector. I kindly put him in touch with my father, the technical director of a company. He offered me a drink to thank me, it was the first time we met again. I immediately fell in love with him.

David and Sara moved in together two months later. "At the end of his six-month internship, thanks to his performance and my father's support, he got a fixed-term contract and then a permanent contract.

Although the relationship seemed to be on the up and up, it quickly deteriorated when the girl's father resigned to join another company a year later. "I felt his behaviour change. He became less and less present until one evening the tone rose. After pestering him with questions, he confessed to me that his desire to seduce me had been motivated by my father's high position, that our relationship was the result of an unfortunate spiral and that he had not dared to leave me to preserve his professional advancement."

Hurt and burned by her break-up, Sara took a long time to trust again. "I felt manipulated. I also felt very guilty for not having recognised the signs of an opportunistic relationship. But even with hindsight, I don't think I could have anticipated such deception. Today, I am much more attentive to the interests that drive a person towards me. I want my future partner to think that being in a relationship with me is a great opportunity to be even happier. A healthy, shared opportunism."

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What is considered video game addiction?

Excessive playing of video games can be dangerous for young people. Establishing a few rules is essential to protect them. Focus on the signs of this form of addiction, possible treatment and prevention solutions.

The public most susceptible to video game addiction

It is mainly young people who are exposed to video game addiction. However, cases of serious pathological addiction are quite rare. The greatest risk of addiction is with networked games, especially multi-player role-playing games. Addiction to video games is considered to exist when the player engages in this type of activity excessively, i.e. for 30 hours a week or more, which is much more than the time spent by hardcore gamers, i.e. between 18 and 20 hours a week.

Spotting a video game addiction

There are certain signs that should alert parents, as the symptoms of video game addiction are usually the same. For example, there is a sudden drop in school results, a lack of interest in any other type of activity, but also in social relationships (friends and family). Indeed, the practice of video games in the context of an addiction occupies most of the time, since the subject is unable to reduce the time he devotes to games. This is to the detriment of other activities that they used to be passionate about, such as sport, cinema, music, art or simply going out with friends. The young person tends to isolate himself and no longer wishes to leave his home.

When you notice changes in your child's behaviour, it is important to look for the cause. This may be completely unrelated to the passion for video games.

Video game addiction: the risks

There may be repercussions on sleep, as the addicted gamer tends to play even at night, thus shortening his or her rest time. Sometimes the addiction can also affect the diet.

A fragile person who is addicted to video games runs the risk of ending up sooner or later in a state of psychological suffering and great loneliness if no care is taken. The result is obvious malaise. In rare cases, a video game addict can become extremely sad or aggressive.

If nothing is done to enable him to break with his addiction, the young person is gradually exposed to failure at school and desocialisation. In the long term, he or she may lose self-esteem.

Video game addiction: the right response

As we have seen, video game addiction can have a significant impact on the mental and physical health of young pathological gamers, but it is still not very common. Reacting as soon as possible is essential to limit the impact of this addiction. The gambling addict cannot limit himself. On the other hand, parents must control the time spent gambling.

It is essential that they establish a dialogue with their child, during which video games must be discussed without taboos. This is a good way of taking an interest in this very topical phenomenon and showing your child that you share their interest. Above all, it is important to avoid power struggles.

A video game can be positive if it is perfectly adapted to the age of the child or teenager, and if the time devoted to it is reasonable. It should not interfere with family life, schooling, sleep and leisure time. It can also be an activity to be shared with the family. When young people play alone, it is advisable that the space reserved for video games is located in the areas of the house reserved for the whole family. In this way, the young person is not isolated in front of the screen and it is easier to limit the time spent on this activity.

Parents who are at a loss when faced with the onset of their child's addiction to video games can turn to their doctor. The young person can then be looked after by a psychologist specialising in addictive practices. This is useful if the young person is a pathological gamer, which is fortunately not very common. Moreover, addictive behaviour is much more common among adults than among young people. In any case, in the case of an extreme case, it is best to refer the young person to a specialist in adolescent and child behavioural problems.

Preventing addiction to video games requires the establishment of real but not drastic rules: there is no question of banning access to video games. Thirty to sixty minutes a day, depending on the age of the child or adolescent, is a perfectly reasonable and safe amount of time to play.

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The four agreements of Toltec wisdom

The Toltec Agreements - What do you need to know?

The Four Toltec Agreements proposes to free us from the daily pressure - a devious and counter-productive energy invented by modern man - responsible for much physical and psychological suffering. Contemporary societies feed our bodies and minds with fear of tomorrow and thus limit our ability to perceive the feeling of freedom. This essay does not impose any doctrine, but advises on the paths to take in order to consider a quest for freedom...

1st Toltec Agreement

Let your word be impeccable.

Translation:

This is undoubtedly the most important agreement, but also the most difficult to respect. Your word is not only a communication tool:

It is also a force for creating the events of your life. It therefore has a strong power to cause chaos around you.

This is why it is recommended to speak only with integrity and say what you really think, avoiding backbiting and lying.

Practical exercise:

Keep a workbook and list the things you have said about which you have had doubts.

Under each statement, answer these questions:

1. Do you agree with the deeper meaning of these words?
2. Do they correspond to what you want to achieve and who you are?
3. What words could you have used instead?
4. What impact might this change have on the future?

2nd Toltec Agreement

Whatever happens, don't make it personal.

Translation:

This agreement denounces behaviours induced by susceptibility such as sulking, backbiting or revenge. To avoid them, it is important to remember that what others do or say is only a projection of their reality. It is therefore important to be immune to the opinions and actions of others.

Practical exercise:

Observe and record your reactions to the behaviour of others in your environment.

1. Do you criticise them?
2. Do you find your behaviour objectionable?
3. Where you wish to be free, offer the same freedom to others.

3rd Toltec Agreement

Make no assumptions.

Translation:

Assumptions lead to many misunderstandings, dramas, arguments, separations, anxieties. The Third Toltec Agreement encourages you to take courage to ask the questions and express what you really want. It sounds like a simple agreement, but in reality it truly transforms the way you are.

Practical exercise:

1. Think of an attitude, a behaviour, a way of proceeding of an individual (relative, friend, media individual) that you initially disliked.
2. Think of several reasons why they might have acted in that way and notice the differences in your feelings about it.

4th Toltec Agreement

Always do your best.

To put this agreement into action, you must remember that "your best" changes according to the situations, the years, the periods of your life. Whatever the situation, do your best so that you don't have regrets or feel guilty.

Practical exercise:

1. Plan simple, measurable actions to improve your satisfaction.
2. Carry them out and observe the effect they have on you. Did you do your best?
3. Detail the areas of your life that you are dissatisfied with and try to plan new actions that will improve your satisfaction.

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What to do when faced with a mythomaniac?

Origin of mythomania

The term mythomania was coined by the forensic physician Ernest Dupré at the very beginning of the 20th century. It originally referred to the elective aptitude of children for lying and simulation and more precisely to the "pathological tendency, more or less voluntary and conscious, to lie and to create imaginary fables". For Dupré, haunted by the risk of miscarriages of justice, the child is driven by a constitutional need to harm adults by lying in a natural way. Even if he specifies that these acts are always unintentional, such a discourse constitutes a real indictment of children, and all the more so as he does not put forward any hypothesis to explain the phenomenon. According to him, the child's conscience only intervenes at the very beginning of the lie, which, by progressive autosuggestion, imposes itself on the child's belief. The child would live his lie so intensely that he would end up sincerely believing it.

The lie

The term lie traditionally associated with thought, with intelligence in action. Today, it designates an "assertion knowingly contrary to the truth, made with the intention of deceiving", which confirms the idea that the liar never believes his lie. In other words, a person who says something false that he believes to be true is not lying, he is mistaken.

The linguist A. Reboul confirms this by adding that an assertion can only be qualified as a lie on the condition that "the speaker intends that his interlocutor believe that he believes in the truth of what he is saying.

The definition of a lie therefore comes up against the idea of "lying to oneself". However, it seems that the mythomaniac himself believes his own lies... Can we call the mythomaniac a liar?

Is the mythomaniac a liar?

A. Eiguer defines "mythomania" as a form of mystification towards others, but also towards oneself. Classically, the mythomaniac creates a self-validating persona to which he or she adheres with such determination that he or she is able to convince those around him or her.

"Mythsters must sincerely believe in the stories they tell and the characters they invent in order to better convince others. Even if they don't at first, they eventually get caught up in their own game.

In other words, mythomaniacs start by lying, and then end up taking ownership of the theme of their narrative. A theory was developed in 1891 by the psychiatrist A. Delbrück to describe and explain the phenomenon. Delbrück to describe and explain this phenomenon: the theory of pseudologia-phantistica. The doctor considers this phenomenon as a day dream told to another person as if it were reality, and without any intention to deceive.

Mythomania today

Mythomania today is a pathology characterised by falsehoods in which the perpetrator believes. The individual elaborates scenarios, events, acts and characters that have never taken place or do not exist. They claim to be actors or witnesses in a story that they themselves have imagined and which often places them in an advantageous position.

The mythomaniac ends up acting partially or totally according to his imaginary production. "Not having the strength to exist in reality, they do not really know who they are, since they identify themselves only through the imaginary,". It is therefore a way of escaping an unacceptable reality or one that is difficult to face without suffering. It is a "defence of the organism against a feeling of inferiority and regression".

By an almost unconscious decision and to avoid frustration, the mythomaniac locks himself into a false universe where reality and fiction merge. In most cases, this process tends to last a long time.

"The liar acts with the intention of giving false information. He always has a choice between telling the truth or not, and he knows the difference between the two. Mythomaniacs, who know they are not telling the truth, are unable to control their behaviour and are not aware that they are lying".

The causes of mythomania

Why do some people lie to their interlocutors without any material reason? What psychological benefits does a relationship where others are deceived bring to the liar?

Why does a child lie?

There are several reasons why a child might lie. They may want to feel valued, to avoid responsibility or to fear reprimand. In any case, the child would be unaware of lying before the age of 6 or 7: before that, he or she often alters reality, but unconsciously and without intention to harm.

The typical portrait of the mythomaniac

Because the confession is unbearable, mythomaniacs quickly become great mystifiers. They must be believed or else everything collapses and their imaginary world collapses. He therefore does everything possible to be as accurate as possible, feeding on reality, drawing fragments of truth here and there. Nothing is left to chance, everything is thought out so that the fabrication is credible.

The mythomaniac is typically fragile, hyperemotional, subject to a strong dependence on the gaze of others and whose powers of imagination are increased tenfold. Whatever their profile, they are often the first victims of their imaginary stories, which they have difficulty distinguishing from reality.

What happens when the liar is found out?

This is the worst case scenario for a liar: being discovered. It is a moment that he experiences in an extremely anxious way and that pushes him to take several paths:

• Embark on a new lie.
• To sink into depression.
• Flee to another place where everything can be started again.

What to do when faced with a mythomaniac?

When dealing with a liar, it is recommended not to pay attention to his lies, at the risk of pushing him even further into what he believes to be reality. Similarly, it is not advisable to violently contradict what he says, at the risk of causing obstinacy from which it would be even more difficult to escape.

The best solution is to gradually help the mythomaniac to become aware of the falsity of his reality, by confronting his speech with elements that are not in line with it, while bearing in mind that mythomania can be a serious illness. There is no point in constantly telling him that he is lying.

Therapy is the most recommended treatment, but the mythomaniac must be willing to seek it.

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The adolescent crisis

The idea of a crisis in adolescence has come so far that some have come to proclaim that its absence is a prognosis for future imbalance in adult life.
It all starts with a theory established by Stanley Hall at the beginning of the twentieth century, which does not conceive of adolescence without "a long and painful road of ascent" marked by "experiences of storm and tension", "moments of turbulence and uncertainty" or "forms of behaviour, from the most unstable and unpredictable to the most morbid and disturbed."

Peter Blos followed suit, emphasising "the inevitable tensions and conflicts caused by the adolescent's need for independence from his parents", as did a number of social scientists (Coleman and then Keniston), for whom the adolescent experience inevitably leads to "conflicts between young people and their parents and between the adolescent generation and the adult generations".

In 1936, Debesse published La crise d'originalité juvénile (The crisis of juvenile originality), which definitively sealed the image of the violent, masturbating, disrespectful and disturbing adolescent. Reinforced by "the conviction that the generations of adolescents are entangled in a destructive conflict", the presuppositions about this identity crisis during adolescence are then slowly but surely imposed, without regard for the voices that come out in the opposite direction.

Yet associating the term 'crisis', which refers to 'the sudden worsening of a pathological condition', with a life passage may seem inappropriate, even brutal. Clinical psychologist Julian Dalmasso prefers the idea of a "decisive moment that can be perilous" rather than "serious and regrettable".

The reality of the crisis

In reality, empirical research, which has provided a very large amount of data, does not in any way validate the reality of the crisis in adolescence. On the contrary, it supports a certain emotional stability of adolescents, which runs counter to the image of stressed, violent and disrespectful youth provided by Hall, Freud and many others.

The famous conflict operating between the teenager and the parents does not seem more realistic according to the studies which confirm that "the typical pattern of relationship between the teenage and adult generations has more harmony than disagreement, more affection than alienation and more devotion than rejection of family life". The conquest of autonomy and identity therefore does not necessarily involve rupture and detachment. On the contrary, authors such as Petersen, Rutter or Raja have begun to link "the accentuated conflict with parents", "the constant devaluation of the family", "the weak attachment to parents during adolescence" to "anti-social behaviour", "situations of persistent depression" and "good indicators of psychological maladjustment".

The implications of the crisis discourse are numerous. It is believed that this theory has "strongly conditioned the thinking of mental health professionals" and contributed to "failing to recognise all the new potentialities of the psychological process of adolescence with the risk of not seeing its positive elements; understanding adolescence only superficially". Unfortunately, as Weiner writes, "once myths flourish, it is extremely difficult to dispel them."

Changes during adolescence

Adolescents undergo many changes, whether physiological, psychological or behavioural:

• In girls: development of breasts, genitalia, hair growth, appearance of first menstruation.
• In boys: voice moult, hair growth, bone and stature growth, spermatogenesis.
• In both sexes : modification of body shape, increase in muscular capacity, physical strength, remodelling of body image, fixation on external body appearance, various tendencies towards excess, dubious hygiene and great instability, need to break with one's childhood, with one's desires, ideals, models of identification, profound cognitive and moral transformations, acquisition of formal operative thinking (a type of reasoning described as abstract, hypothetico-deductive, combinatorial and propositional).

Adolescent health problems

Adolescence is a period that predisposes individuals to certain conditions, some of the most common of which are

• Dysmorphophobia. Linked to pubertal transformations, they designate a psychological disorder characterised by a preoccupation or an excessive obsession with a defect in appearance, even a slight but real imperfection. If an anatomical element does not seem to conform, the adolescent will tend to focus on it and to dramatise.
• Spasmophilia. Characterised by tingling skin, contractures and breathing difficulties, this is a major concern for adolescents.
• Headaches and abdominal pain. These can occur after a conflict or an episode of depression.
• Digestive disorders and back pain. These affect almost a quarter of adolescents repeatedly.
• Sleep disorders. Sleep disorders, which are partly responsible for the feelings of great tiredness that they say they suffer, are mainly manifested by difficulties in falling asleep and waking up.
• Sprains, fractures, dizziness, anxiety attacks, sweating and sore throats complete the classic adolescent picture.

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Angry children and tantrums: how to manage them?

How does a child's opposition manifest itself?

A child's opposition can manifest itself in different ways. If the child rolls around on the floor, answers all your questions with "no" and cries without being able to explain what he or she is feeling, then he or she is probably having an oppositional "crisis". These signs show that he is gradually discovering his individuality. He is torn between the desire to do things by himself and the need to be helped by his parents. This contradictory state can destabilise parents who, despite their efforts, fail to understand what the child really wants.

By discovering that he is independent and has his own desires and emotions, the child seeks to know his limits but also yours. He is torn between different feelings: to leave or to stay, to want or to refuse, etc. It is therefore difficult for parents to help them and keep them happy.

Sometimes it only takes a few minutes for him to trick his parents and get what he wants. By creating a crisis, he knows that it can be a way to get what he wants, it is a test that he makes the adults around him pass. Moreover, his fits do not have the same duration and intensity depending on the people involved.

But these seizures can also, quite simply, reflect the child's state of stress and fatigue. If the child feels bad, tired, hungry or isolated and misunderstood, he or she may resort to crying and screaming to get attention and ask for help.

Where do these tantrums come from?

Faced with dilemmas that he cannot resolve, his anger and frustration take over and lead to rather violent outbursts. By venting in this way, the child is venting the rage that he or she can no longer control and cannot yet express verbally. Sometimes it is simply to obtain a treat or a toy that he will start a tantrum. By entering into a power struggle with the adult of reference, he hopes to obtain the object of his desire or to be heard.

How do I deal with my child's tantrums?

Giving in is an admission of weakness that the child will soon use regularly. You must therefore be firm, even in public when the situation seems shameful and/or insoluble and even if the place is not ideal for isolating him. This is also a necessary limit. Indeed, in order to structure himself, the child needs to come up against the firmness of his parents and their limits. They need to get to know frustration and integrate it into the feelings they will have to deal with in their future lives. Many parents do not dare to set limits for fear of "hurting" their child, but in order to be happy, the child needs to feel secure in a framework where rules are imposed.
However, you need to give them space and support them in their quest for independence. For example, let him take the initiative on a daily basis, show him what to do, and encourage him when it is his turn.
Finally, try to divert his attention if you feel that a crisis is imminent. Offer to play or sing, for example. This will make it easier to relieve the pressure and avoid a major crisis. And to prevent the situation from getting too heated, never shout at him. Instead, stay calm and talk to him. When faced with a soothing tone of voice from a parent, the child will find it easier to calm down and listen carefully to what you have to say.

At what age do these tantrums disappear?

As the child becomes more able to speak and express him/herself, these tantrums tend to disappear on their own. It is therefore around the age of 3 that the child succeeds in speaking to defuse its discomfort. However, the crying and screaming do not disappear. They are simply reduced in duration and intensity and now make way for a possible discussion and verbalisation of their emotions.

With experience, parents anticipate risk situations with regard to their child's tantrums. It is therefore much easier for them to limit the damage and prevent it. But if the child does have a tantrum, don't panic. Stay firm and don't give in to them, they are just continuing their normal development by finding out what they are and are not allowed to do.

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