Conflicts between brothers and sisters: How to deal with them?

Siblings always get along more or less well. Managing conflicts between siblings is therefore an almost daily task for parents. There are many solutions for this. Some rely on authority, others on communication.

Take the time to understand each sibling conflict

Conflicts between brothers and sisters are all different. It is therefore necessary to take the time to understand each situation in order to manage it as well as possible. Sometimes the younger siblings annoy the older ones, sometimes the older ones taunt or ignore the younger ones. Children may fight over a toy or simply because they are too tired. In order to understand the conflict, each child needs to give their side of the story and explain why they are angry.

Sibling conflict: jealousy

Children may have difficulty finding their place. They think that parental love is something that is divided between siblings. To reassure children, it is imperative to make them understand that there is no difference between them.

Jealousy must be understood by parents. Younger children envy the freedom of their elders, and older children envy the attention that parents give to younger children. By explaining to each child that his or her age has an important impact on the parents' attitude towards him or her, it is possible to reduce tensions. It is also important to accept that children feel jealousy. It is a very natural feeling that builds up each person.

Age-appropriate conflict management

Dealing with sibling conflict is also about taking into account the age of each child. Many squabbles are age-related. More bickering occurs as a child becomes more independent. With toddlers, the first steps often generate the anger of older children who see their toys and belongings disappear!

Around the age of 6, children leave the kindergarten for the big school. They were the biggest and become the smallest. They also leave childhood and play for learning. This is a difficult period and it is sometimes felt at home. Children abandon their younger siblings, who are considered too young, in favour of their elders. The balance of the siblings becomes fragile.

Entering adolescence is also a difficult stage that can affect understanding between brothers and sisters. It is essential for parents to be patient and to support their children as they enter their adult life.

Staying out of sibling conflicts

Conflicts and bickering can be unpleasant, but they should not be avoided automatically. On the contrary! They help children to find their place, to develop and show their personality, and to gain respect. Most bickering only lasts a short time.

It is imperative to intervene when children get into fights, insult each other, damage their belongings or when the conflict lasts too long. Before punishing, it is important to identify the cause of the conflict and the responsibility of each child. This way the reprimand will be measured!

Conflicts between brothers and sisters: knowing how to punish

The punishment chosen is very important. It is essential to adapt it to the age of the child and the extent of the misbehaviour. Most of the time, you should give the same punishment and remain flexible. For example, you can isolate each child for a few minutes or ask them to tidy up their room or the playroom. Each child should apologise if they have hurt their sibling, but also if they have broken a toy. The apology can be verbal or in the form of a drawing.

Vigilance is required with regard to punishment. When it is impossible to know the truth about a conflict, the punishment should be limited or a simple warning given. Undue punishment can be very negative as it increases tensions between siblings.

Directing activities and praising moments of agreement

To limit conflicts, activities should be directed and those that everyone enjoys should be given priority. In this way, there are more moments of agreement. These moments should be highlighted, congratulated and why not rewarded. Spending time together promotes good understanding between brothers and sisters and also limits conflicts.

Being fair to siblings in case of conflict is essential to ensure good understanding within the sibling group and the family. It is important to let children interact with each other, but also to punish them so that everyone understands their responsibilities.

You may also like to read / También te puede interesar leer

Adblock test (Why?)

What does it mean if someone is complacent?

It is not always easy to know how to react when faced with someone who is complacent, that is, in another sense of the word, someone who acquiesces to our tastes and feelings in order to please us.

Does being complacent make friends?

The Latin author Terence wrote in The Andrian, in Carthage, around 185-159 BC: "Obsequim amicos, veritas adium parit", i.e.: "Complacency makes friends, frankness breeds hatred". And yet: something that is done out of complacency, in reality, is conducted or manifested only out of politeness, but is neither true, nor profound, nor felt. Complacency is then defined as the disposition of one who seeks to please by adapting to someone's tastes or desires.

Can we, therefore, consider that friendship could come from such an expression of falseness, such a façade attitude? This seems, in fact, far removed from a real friendship, which is meant to be sincere, which requires being oneself in depth with the other. It also requires expressing oneself as one is, knowing how to listen to the other person without lying to him or her, or giving an inaccurate or falsified reflection of oneself. And so, this friendship as described by Terence would only be fake, and, in reality, a real friendship must allow anyone to tell his friend, without false pretenses or false admiration, his mistakes and flaws: which is, for a close friend, for an intimate, the only possibility to truly move forward.

Don't give in to easy compliments

But in everyday life, we are rarely the victims of complacency that goes so far as to cover up a crime... We are more likely to be the victims of petty everyday compliments that lack depth and reality. A word of advice here: don't give in to the ease of unrestrained, uncritical compliments.

Even more harmful, perhaps, is the complacency of a father or mother towards their children, which induces in this parent an indulgence that is often blameworthy, and even dangerous for the good development of the child. Here, we recall the role of the superego in all its complexity, which, playing the role of an integration of parental authority, will be contrary to any form of complacency, understood here as an excess of indulgence. The parent must be made to face up to his or her responsibility, because it is indeed a question of teaching children limits. Setting limits means, above all, saying no to them, setting the framework.

Keeping your authenticity

Finally, in the face of an act of complacency that is merely an excessive display of politeness, but is in no way true, nor profound, and even less the expression of a real feeling, we suggest this act of intimate resistance: keeping one's authenticity, not letting oneself be fooled by appearances, nor by false compliments. Perhaps we can also bring the complacent person to realise this lack of fairness towards others, this falseness in his attitude and words? And, then, allow them to reopen the question of the quality of their relationship with others.

We could perhaps also use the somewhat familiar expression: "You must not let yourself be eaten", which was regularly used by the priest Jean Castelein, a veteran of the Second World War. Jean Castelein, who later became a demanding and committed chaplain, called for constant vigilance and suggested that we engage in a profound and daily resistance, leading each of us to move towards our true authenticity. In short, he called on us not to be taken in by the sirens of appearance. To remain authentic. True to oneself and to one's values.

You may also like to read / También te puede interesar leer

Adblock test (Why?)

Compassion: A response to the suffering of others

Compassion is an emotion that helps us to better understand and live with others. However, we must be careful of the pitfalls of compassion.

What is compassion?

Compassion comes from the Latin cum patior, which means "to suffer with".

Compassion is caring about someone who is suffering, without trying to feel what they are feeling themselves, which is what empathy is. Compassion is the emotion we can hold in front of the misery of others. It implies a feeling of benevolence with a willingness to help the person who is suffering.

To be able to be compassionate, we need to be empathetic. We imagine what the sufferer is going through, and that is why we are touched by that suffering.

It is possible to train for compassion, to cultivate it. Neuroscience research has shown that the plasticity of the brain is such that after a certain 3 months of compassion training the grey matter of the social-emotional brain has increased.

The benefits of compassion

Compassion is a moral feeling. It helps us to understand others better and to make them happier.

Compassion also has physical benefits for the person who feels it: studies have shown that people who show compassion have an increased level of endorphins, hormones of well-being and happiness. So being compassionate would make you happier! Other studies have concluded that compassion makes it possible to produce 100% more DHEA, a hormone that counteracts the effects of ageing.

The dangers of compassion

Compassion is essential to life in society but it can also be dangerous. Being too compassionate can prevent us from thinking about ourselves. Furthermore, compassion is manipulable and can be used by those who have things to sell or ideas to put across. Excessive compassion is also a pitfall of compassion. It is the prerogative of people who do not care about the other person's feelings. Rather than imagining what is right for them, they focus on what feels right for themselves.

Compassion can also make people sick. For example, people who are confronted with the suffering of others on a daily basis, such as health professionals or therapists, can suffer from compassion fatigue. Constant contact with the suffering of others leads to a kind of burn-out. Those who suffer from it show various symptoms: feelings of powerlessness, lack of energy, anger, depression, etc.

Compassion: the right balance

Too little compassion is bad. It constitutes a loss of humanity. Too much compassion can also be harmful. So we need to find the right balance.

Caring about how others feel is important. True compassion is about sharing what the other person is feeling, not necessarily about acting. It is just opening up to the feelings that we most often experience spontaneously in the face of another's distress. We are not necessarily able to respond to this suffering.

You may also like to read / También te puede interesar leer

Adblock test (Why?)

Non-verbal communication: decoding body language

What is non-verbal communication?

Non-verbal communication includes many communicative processes such as outward appearance, spatial relationship behaviours (approaching, distancing), body movements (nodding, eyebrow raising, shoulder shrugging), facial expressions, gazes or vocal intonations.

Although little known, non-verbal phenomena are very important in human communication and are used in several fields such as oratory and dramatic arts, the sign language of certain communities (deaf people, monks)...

This type of communication reinforces and gives credibility to verbal communication when it is adapted, but can discredit it when it is not. According to the American researcher Mehrabian, 7% of communication is verbal, 38% of communication is vocal and 55% of communication is neither verbal nor vocal. It is our nature to quickly judge others by their attitude, their beauty, their intelligence, their movements. Animals give us an example of non-verbal communication: they communicate with each other through specific systems comprising signals of various kinds: sound, gestures, mimics, postures, chemicals, heat, touch, electricity, etc.

There are several disciplines interested in non-verbal communication, including biology, neuroscience, sociology and psychology.

Classification of non-verbal signs

Several classifications of non-verbal signs have been developed in the literature. Marino Bonaiuto's classification from 2007 arranges them on a scale from top to bottom, from the most obvious to the least obvious signs.

• External appearance: physical training, figure, choice of clothing.
• Spatial behaviour: interpersonal distance, body contact, orientation in space, perfume.
• Kinetic behaviour: trunk and leg movements, hand gestures, head movements.
• The face: gaze and eye contact, facial expression.
• Vocal signs: verbal vocal signs with paraverbal meaning, non-verbal vocal signs, silences. Among the latter, Trager distinguishes between voice quality (tone, resonance and articulation control) and vocalisations (crying, sighing, laughing, voice timbre, intensity, extension, vocal segregations such as "hum").

Designating and illustrating speech

Certain gestures are made to accompany the statement.

• Designating gestures. These are the pointing gestures we make when we want to show something.
• Illustrative gestures. These are the gestures that mimic the action or show certain characteristics of the object we are talking about. These gestures abound especially in descriptions of objects and in stories.

Thus, when a person present in the discussion is mentioned, he or she is almost always pointed to (by digital pointing, nodding or at least looking), when "my heart was beating very fast" is said, the hand is placed on the heart or a heartbeat is mimed, and the "my" in "if you want my opinion" will almost always be accompanied by a self-centred gesture.

All these signs can form a system complex enough to build languages with a repertoire and syntax, such as the language of the deaf.

Dialogue coordination gestures

In dialogue, certain gestures do not serve to sustain the dialogue but to coordinate it, to ensure that the statements are received, understood and interpreted. In order to mutualise the exchange, there is a device for interaction, sharing and maintenance of speech, consisting of various gestures such as head nods, gaze shifts, throat clears, preparatory breaths, hand gestures, changes of posture.

When we speak, we need to make sure that we are heard, listened to, understood and know what the other person thinks of what we say. To do this, we must catch the receiver's gaze, and look for retroactive cues in the form of voco-verbal and kinesic emissions (mimics of doubt or perplexity, nods, head movements, smiles, etc.). When these non-verbal cues are not enough, the sender can use verbal communication to clarify the interaction: "do you understand what I mean?

Communicating emotions

There are also gestures that belong to "affective communication", which itself has two aspects: emotional and emotive.

Emotional communication corresponds to the spontaneous manifestations of the interlocutors' inner states, such as trembling, paleness, sweating, crying, laughing, surprise, annoyance, etc.
Emotional communication is the result of "affective work", according to Hochschild, which "allows for the controlled staging of real or even potential or not really experienced affects". We can make the other person believe that we are sad through our attitudes when in reality we are not affected.

In everyday life, emotional communication is more important than emotional communication. In an interaction situation, speakers will therefore, according to the rules of affective framing, manage their own feelings, manage the expression of these real or displayed feelings, and try to perceive the analogous movements in progress in their partner.

Contextual elements of communication

There are certain non-verbal elements that create a contextual climate and are part of verbal communication. Some of these elements remain permanent during the encounter, such as clothing, age, gender, beauty. Others reflect an accommodation of the situation, such as the techniques for making contact and opening up the interaction with various modes of verbal address, gestural exchanges, mimics and tactile gestures: kisses, handshakes, hugs, depending on the category of partners and the reciprocal status. The gaze can also express the intimacy of the relationship, as well as the hold, dominance and reciprocity.
For example, the smaller the interpersonal distance, the less eye contact and the less direct the body orientation.

Observation of non-verbal communication

To study non-verbal communication, carefully observe people communicating. Observe how they behave towards each other, both to communicate and to 'keep their distance'. Observe rituals, strategies for occupying space, postures, choice of seats, non-verbal language without paying attention to what is being said.

You may also like to read / También te puede interesar leer

Adblock test (Why?)

Personal Details - Usos del lenguaje, Gramática y Léxico

Iniciación al inglés – Repaso de conceptos para conversaciones básicas

Nombre

En inglés puede usarse las palabra “name” para hablar del nombre de pila, del apellido o del nombre completo. En los formularios se distingue entre:

First name: nombre de pila y surname: apellido.

Dirección

Por lo general no se traduce, se dice tal cual. El orden utilizado en inglés es al revés que en español:

Número

Nombre de la calle, avenida…

La palabra: calle, plaza, avenida…

Ejemplo. My address is 4, Sun Street.

Teléfono

El número del teléfono en inglés se da cifra a cifra. Cuando una de ellas se repite, se usa la palabra “double” (doble).

Los números en Inglaterra, generalmente, tienen siete cifras. Después de decir la tercera, se hace una pequeña pausa.

Por ejemplo: My telephone number’s 3054778
three – zero – five // four – double seven – eight.

Edad

La pregunta “How old … …?” no puede traducirse literalmente, hay que memorizarla, lo mismo que la respuesta: I’m …, you’re … Recuerda siempre que para hablar de la edad se usa el verbo To Be, que significa ser o estar, seguido del número de años.
Years old se mantiene sólo cuando se habla de cosas, aunque también se puede usar con personas.

Países y nacionalidades

Los adjetivos de nacionalidad se escriben con mayúscula.
La pregunta Where are you from? Significa: ¿De dónde eres?

Profesiones

Para preguntar a qué se dedica nuestro interlocutor, generalmente usamos: What do you do? También podemos ver en formularios: What’s your occupation? En la respuesta, si hablamos en singular, la profesión va precedida del artículo indeterminado “A”.

Formación del plural

El plural de los nombres se forma, generalmente, añadiendo una “s” al singular.

Artículos

Indeterminado: A = un, una. Sólo puede usarse en singular.

Determinado: The, sirve para el masculino, femenino, singular y plural: el, la, los, las.

Adjetivos

Calificativos: no tienen género ni número, son invariables. Cuando acompañan al nombre van siempre delante de él. Esto ocurre también con los colores. Ejemplo: El mar azul – The blue sea. Los teléfonos rojos – The red telephones.

Posesivos: Hay que tener cuidado con “su”

• Su (de usted/es) = your
• Su (de él) = his
• Su (de ella) = her
• Su (de un animal o cosa) = Its
• Su (de ellos) = their

En inglés concuerdan siempre con el poseedor.

Numerales

1 – One
2 – Two
3 – Three
4 – Four
5 – Five
6 – Six
7 – Seven
8 – Eight
9 – Nine
10 – Ten
11 –  Eleven
12 –  Twelve
13 – Thirteen 
14 – Fourteen
15 – Fifteen
16 – Sixteen
17 –  Seventeen
18 – Eighteen
 19 – Nineteen
20 – Twenty
30 – Thirty
40 –Forty
50-  Fifty
60 – Sixty
70 – Seventy
80 – Eighty
90 – Ninety

Demostrativos

Son los adjetivos que tienen plural en inglés. Se usan también como pronombres e indican, como en español, cercanía o lejanía respecto de la persona que habla.

Ejemplo en singular: This = éste, ésta, esto – That = ése, ésa, eso, aquél, aquella, aquello.

Verbos

Presente de To Be.

El verbo To Be = ser/estar, tiene en presente tres formas distintas: Am, is, are y se usa en español con diferentes significados. Está dentro de los llamados verbos “especiales”:

Las negaciones se forman añadiendo Not al verbo.

Las preguntas se forman invirtiendo el orden normal de la frase:

Verbo + sujeto + los complementos. El signo de interrogación sólo va al final.

Presente

I am – yo soy/estoy
You are – tú eres/estás, usted es/está
He/she is – él es/está, ella es/está
It is – eso es/está
We are – nosotros/as somos/estamos
You are – ustedes son/están, vosotros/as sois/estáis
They are – ellos/as son/están

Forma contraída

Respuesta afirmativa

I'm
You're
He's
She's
It's
We're
You're
They're

Respuesta negativa

I'm not
You aren’t
He isn’t
She isn’t
It isn’t
We aren’t
You aren’t
They aren’t

Forma interrogativa

Am I …?
Are you …?
Is he …?
Is she …?
Are we …?
Are you …?
Are they …?

En la conversación se usa siempre la forma contraída.

Respuesta breve: Se forma con Yes o No, el sujeto siempre en forma de pronombre y el verbo. La respuesta breve afirmativa no se puede contraer; la negativa, sí. Ejemplos: Yes, I am; No, I’m not.

Adblock test (Why?)

Pedir Permiso - Usos de Can / Can't - One / Ones

Pedir permiso en inglés - Usos de Can / Can't - One / Ones

Can I ... ? - ¿Puedo ...?

Can you ...? - ¿Le / te importaría ...?

Read.

A- Can I help you?
B- Yes. Can you show me those skirts, please?
A- Yes, of course.
B- This one is nice. Can I try it on?
A- Certainly. Here you are.
B- It's very big. Can you give me a small one.
A- I'm sorry. We haven't got a small one.

Usos de Can / Can't

-Para expresar lo que se puede o no se puede hacer:

My husband can't go to work. He's ill. - Mi marido no puede ir a trabajar. Está enfermo.
You can wash your socks tomorrow. - Puedes lavar los calcetines mañana.

-Para expresar lo que se sabe o no se sabe hacer:

I can type - Se escribir a máquina.
He can't speak italian. - No sabe hablar italiano.

-Para pedir permiso, concederlo y negarlo:

Can I open the window? - Yes, you can. / No, you can't.
¿Puedo abrir la ventana? - Sí, si puedes. - No, no puedes.

-Para pedir a alguien que haga algo:

Can you bring me a cup of coffe, please? - ¿Puedes traerme una taza de café, por favor?

-Puede aparecer con los verbos see y hear:

Can you hear me? Mark, where are you? I can't see you. -  ¿Me oyes/puedes oírme? Mark, ¿dónde estás? No te veo.

Usos de One - Ones

-Se utilizan para sustituir un nombre o evitar su repetición. (No cunfundir con el numeral one=1).

Can you show me those skirts? - ¿Puedes enseñarme esas faldas?
This one is nice (en lugar de this skirt...) - Esta es bonita.

-También se usa en plural:

These ones are nice. - Estas son bonitas.

-A menudo lo encontrarás con adjetivos. En inglés el adjetivo calificativo no puede ir solo.

The red skirt - La falda roja.
The red one - La roja.

Por lo tanto, One, suele aparecer con:

1. Demostrativos: This one is nice - Esta es bonita.
2. Artículos determinados + adjetivo: The red one. - La roja.
3. Artículos indeterminados + adjetivo: A blue one. - Una azul.

Adblock test (Why?)

Preguntar Direcciones. Dar y entender Instrucciones

Preguntar direcciones - Dar y entender instrucciones para llegar a un lugar

Can you tell me the way ...? - ¿Me puedes decir cómo se va ...?

Read.

Man 1: Excuse me, Can you tell me the way to the British Museum, please?

Man 2: Certainly. Go straight along Oxford street up to St. Giles Circus. Then, turn left into Tottenham Court Road. Next, turn right and walk along Great Russell Street. Take the second turning on the left and there's the British Museum.

Repaso de Preposiciones:

in - dentro de

on -sobre

at - junto a

near - cerca de

under - debajo de

behind - detrás de

in front of - delante de

opposite - en frente de, frente a

between - entre

Añadimos otras que van detrás de verbos de movimiento (go, come, walk...)

to - hacia (Come to my house)

up to - hasta (Go up to St. Giles Circus)

along - por (a lo largo de) (Walk along Oxford Street)

across - a través (go across the park)

Expresiones de lugar

go along - ir por

go straight - ir todo recto

turn right - torcer/girar a la derecha

turn left - torcer/girar a la izquierda

take the second turning - coger la segunda calle

on the right - a la derecha

on the left - a la izquierda

on the corner - en la esquina

at the end - al final

Ordinales

first - primero

second - segundo

third - tercero

Vocabulario de interés

city - ciudad

museum - museo

cinema - cine

restaurant - restaurante

church - iglesia

post office - correos

pub - bar

bank - banco

theatre - teatro

hospital - hospital

school - colegio

library - biblioteca

park - parque

car park - aparcamiento

bookshop - librería

shoeshop - zapatería

wineshop - bodega

flowershop - floristería

chemist´s - farmacia

Adblock test (Why?)